Why Won’t My Boyfriend Marry Me?

Have you ever seen a couple that has been together a very long time, and yet they still haven’t gotten married? I’m not talking about people that choose not to be married, rather, I’m talking about two people who meet when they are younger, date for years, have one partner that really wants to get married, but the other doesn’t. I know of a couple that has been dating over ten years and the girl is still looking for a ring. Will she ever get one? Probably not.

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In my experience there are some common reasons why a guy dates a girl for years but doesn’t want to marry her. These are:

  • He doesn’t want to get married to anyone. Period. If this is the case, hopefully he’s made this clear to his woman.
  • He doesn’t want to marry this particular woman. Sounds silly, but it’s true. A guy may stay with a girl simply because it’s convenient.
  • He’s waiting until the woman gets out of debt, gets thinner, has a better job, etc. In other words, he’s waiting for a better version of the woman. This is another reason guys like this will never propose to someone, because they want an ideal that doesn’t exist. No matter what the woman does, it will never be enough.
  • He’s waiting until he improves. On some occasions, a guy wants to get a better job, get through school, get a better position in life, before asking a girl to marry him. While this usually doesn’t take years, it could be one reason why the guy is waiting to pop the question.

Image: sxc.hu.

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    • http:///members/kdesrochers/ Kelli DesRochers

      Wow I definitely have a few friends like that. I think the fourth option is probably the most common among my friends…the guy thinks that somehow he will get his “life in order” and then he will suddenly be ready to get married…but I don’t know if whatever he’s waiting for will ever happen. If you’ve been together that long there’s really nothing more to learn about each other and you should know if you’re ever getting married or not.
      Good article!

    • http://www.cherieburbach.com Cherie Burbach

      Kelli,

      Thanks! Yeah, unfortunately I know quite a few of these people, too. I agree, if you’ve been together for awhile, you should know what you need to to determine if you want to get married or not. It’s sad to see people waste time on something waiting for an unrealized ideal.

    • Pingback: Is It Okay for a Girl to Propose? : Blisstree - Family, Health, Home and Lifestyles

    • chicana

      WOW, UNFORTUNATELY IM ONE OF THEM , I BEEN WITH MY BOYFRIEND FOR 10 YEARS AND NO ENGAGEMENT RING NO FUTURE PLANS OF WEDDING HE SAID HIS NOT GETTIN MARRY , MAKING ME THINK IM NOT THE RIGHT ONE , AND IM JUST WASTING MY TIME BEEN WITH THE PERSON I SAW MYSELF GETTIN MARRY TOO, ITS HARD BUT SOONER OR LAATER WHICH I HOPE IS SOON IM GOING TO HAVE TO MAKE A DESICION, YEAH IM ALMOST CLOSE TO MY 30S NOTHING WRONG NO OFFENSE BUT I SAW MYSELF MARRY BY THEN. IT BREAKS MY HEART I HAVE TO MAKE A DESICION …… SO WHICH ME LUCK SO I WONT MAKE THE WRONG DESICION BUT IM NOT WILLING TO WAIT ANOTHER 10YEARS

      • MamaMia

        I am in the same situation girl! My boyfriend told me in the beginning I don’t want to get married, so I feel like it’s my own fault. I thought I could be the one that would change his mind, but no. I’m 30 now and I’m facing the same decision as you, do I stay or do I leave? He is the love of my life I feel like we are soulmates. Everyday someone asks us when are you getting married, so frustrating! I basically have to convince myself everyday marriage sucks and people just end up getting divorced.
        Read this from: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t49677/

        5th November 2004, 7:14 PM #13
        red4kat
        Guest

        Posts: n/a getting married problems.

        ——————————————————————————–
        Oh Ladies,

        There are so many of you I can identify with. No matter what they say, when you’re nearing the 3- zero number, your biological clock is just ringing like a giant bell. Being with a man that simply won’t propose despite of being nice and loving just isn’t complete. I feel your pain so much. We should all just get together one night for martini and “sex and the city”. We are not alone.

        I have a few comments to a few of you. First of all the author, a few things you mentioned. Did you say he is 4 years younger, so that makes him around 26? I noticed that in their mid twenties men tend to avoid marrage. Strange or not but they either marry irresponsibly without thinking around 21-22 or when they get up to thirties. There are exceptions, men who are still indesicive at 40, those are just not worth waiting for. Women start getting ready seriously for marriage from 25 and get close to desperate at 28-30. I hope it goes away eventually, Im 29 now and my strategy to deal with the fact that my boyfriend won’t propose is to convince myself that marriage sucks. 27 is really the earliest age for a man to be ready for marriage, so he might be at the stage where he’s sort of breathing his last breath of youth before turning into a man. If you really love him, it might be worth waiting another couple of years. Now if he was in his thirties, I’d say don’t waste your time, by then he just may not be the marrying kind. You’re worth what you want and have all the rights to go after it. But at his age it’s quite normal to hesitate. If you do decide to leave though, please please please for your own and his sake tell him exactly why. It’s important for him to know and for you to be heard, don’t just walk away.

        UCFKevin, you will never really understand why women want to get married and why is it so important to them. You just have to be a woman yourself to fully comprehand that. It’s not something that’s logical, it’s an instinct, nature made us that way and we can’t get away from it, period.

        Yes he is a wonderful loving guy and there’s a lot to appreciate about him but the fact that he won’t propose will take away from a woman’s happines whether men like it or not. She will never be completely happy and he will never know why.

        red4kat
        5th November 2004, 7:37 PM #14
        red4kat
        Guest

        Posts: n/a one more thought

        ——————————————————————————–
        I think that ultimatum isn’t the best choice. Most likely his responce will be “no” and it will make you feel like he made a final decision while at the same time he’ll feel like it was you. An ultimatum is a pressure and there is only one way out of it, a break up after which you will most likely feel horrible. It also makes you look desperate and might scare him off. And worst of all, he might end up being the one to leave you.

        I think much better choice would be to say, but only when you’re ready to walk away: “I decided that it’s best for us to split up. You’ve been a great boyfriend but what I really want is someone who wants to marry me. I love you but our situation isn’t making me happy. I wish it were but I can’t do anything about it.” And then you walk away. I think this way might actually get him to think twice, plus in his mind not only he will feel the power to save the relationship is in his hands, he wasn’t pushed into anything or feel like he is expected to do anything.

    • Ital-Guyana

      This is a story that will make everyones look better! I have been with this man who was previously married for 5 years. Now, before you pass judgment on the fact that he was married we met after his marriage was over and I was dumped by my finance too. So all and all we came from 2 hurt pasts. Our relationship was amazing for a long time, however we had our struggles because my family had difficulty excepting a man of color. Through that he still stuck by me and I respected him for that. We had had broken up though 2-3 times in the last 5 years because of different reasons and dated other people but still came back together. After working out our issue’s we made up and things were great. Through all this he had many excuses as to why he wont marry me. 1st excuse: need time because of my first marriage- well guess what going on 6 years is good time for me. 2end excuse: My parents don’t except him- Guess what they do and have for 3 years, they even apologized a thousand times and treat him with the outermost respect and admitted they were very wrong- still not good enough for him. 3rd excuse: I need to trust him- news flash I do and always have!!!! 4th excuse: I need to listen more to him: Guess what I listen to everything he says always… 5th excuse he wants to do everything backwards because it didn’t work for him the first time around so he rather get married last:: Guess what I even moved out of an Italian household (if your Italian you know how hard that is!) we have a beautiful house and dogs together: guess what still not enough… 6th: I need to give him a baby first: guess what thats where I say NO NO… I have done enough to prove my love and makes this work… I am not bringing no baby into this until I get some type of further commitment from him! This would not be fair to a baby, to place its life of a happy family that is together based on chance. So what if I have a baby… then what another excuse..? I ask him he says he will marry me when the time is right! or when things are perfect! Hello… I love him so much and want nothing more then to be his wife.. thats all.. so we can move forward and have this family… I sense he has great fear from his first marriage and is worried of failure again… I just wish he realize how much I love him and every time he says jump I say how far! because I want him to see that I would always be here and never leave him… I would do anything to make him happy.. I would… I guess im not what he wants? I feel like he wants more and I’m tired… just tired how much more can I give… Do I leave? or do I give him time? I want marriage because I value its whole concept. I moved out to be with him and to move ahead in our lives. I ma happy now but he knows and /i said to him I don’t want to stay a gf forever.. he always says he wants to marry me but has not.

    • Krisha

      I was with a guy for 9 yrs and he also got several excuses not to marry me: the time is not right, we need to have a solid financial backup, we need a baby, difference in religion and so on… Guess what? I found out that he is gay. Such a waste… 9yrs!!!

    • Loretta Lim

      My boyfriend and I have been together for almost five years, we just had a beautiful baby girl together. His problem is far worse, he wont marry me and he doesnt want to move out of his parents. We have been living here together for six months, i mean dont get me wrong i love his parents theyre extremely nice to me and give us our space and dont get involved plus help a lot with the baby. The house is big enough for all of us but i just want my own home and to be a family(married!) i dont know what to do.

    • Ursula

      I am in the same situation. I have been with a guy for 6 years and I am still waiting for a ring. To be honest i don’t want it anymore. I am saving to get my own apartment, and i will be out of here in six months. I am livid i wasted so many years on this guy. I was 24 when i met him! I am so angry at myself, i used to be quite smart about these things but got completely fooled by him. The worst part is that all his friends who met their girlfriends after we were together have since married those girls. It kills me that i am still the girlfriend. I see how they feel sorry for me, they now have babies and beautiful homes. What i hate the most is that he never invited me to his family gatherings, just once to introduce me and never asked me again even though i showed a lot of interest, i found that cruel because i don’t have a family my parents died when i was young and i am kinda desperate to have some kind of bond with other people. . . Anyway i am done with him.

      • moi

        hi ursula, i just wanted to say that i read your post and can relate. I spent 10 years with a guy who was everything to me. I also didnt have a family, and his family meant everything to me…well, after 10 years he dumped me without warning…at 30 i met a wonderful man who thinks im gorgeous and funny and he wanted to marry me after jsut a year..althoughit took me a few more years for me to say yes…;) Leave and dont look back girl. I never thought id get over the hurt and humiliation, but now im just so glad and i feel so lucky the way things turned out…i know now that i wouldnt want to be with any man who took years to decide if i was “good enough”…btw the first guy is now 44 and still single. karma baby. xox

    • aliyaa

      Although, Its not been as long as most of you, I have spent almost three years with this guy that I truly love. In the beginning of the relationship, I felt as if I have met the guy of my dreams. he was caring, understanding and really similar to me. but as time went by, I started to realise noone is perfect. I was not insecure to start off with, but as our relationship progressed I started becoming more and more insecure. hes very good to me,but he would often not stick to the commitments hes made to me and be inconsistent. What really made me crazy is somedays he would be saying stuff like you are the one for me and then few days later, he would say I am no sure about you. we werent planning to get serious with each other from the start, but we somehow ended up going in that territory a fewmonths later.

      we are both from very religious and strict families, where we are still supposed to follow traditions. although, i consider myself as the rebel and do what I feel is right for me , he most often has trouble with bending the rules as he feels it would hurt his parents. a year ago, we broke up because I wanted to be married to him someday but he said he couldnt cause his family has alredy chosen a girl for him and he started dating someone else. 2 months later he came back to me saying he made a huge mistake and that this time around he wont let anything stop him from marrying me and he promised me he wont back out. I came back to him because I really loved him regardless of what he’s done to me and also because I believed him. Since then, we have had a relationship thats been up and down. Now, after 10 months hes again starting to say hes unsure if he wants to marry me. I feel like a fool for believing him and giving him a second chance. I know that he loves me, but i feel like he cares more about himself than he ever does for me…also him being younger to me does make me concerned. I dont want to waste the rest of my life waiting for someone who would just keep me hanging but i also dont want to let him go cause I believe hes the one for me, hes been my best friend and theres noone else that i could have connected to in every way that we do. I am just so torn apart and dont know which road to go ..

      • evelyn

        sounds like he isn’t that into you or is too immature to deal with what he wants in life. If I were you I would leave before losing all of the self dignity.

      • Krissi

        I know exactly how you feel. I have been with the same guy for over 3 years. We were high school sweethearts. He decided one day to join the navy and he has been in for more than 6 months. We have been talking about marriage for awhile. He swears up and doesn that i’m the one for him and he wants to spend the rest of my life with you. But he is always full of excuses. ‘its not the right time’ my parents wouldn’t approve’ I just feel so lonely back here at home. I have cut out all communication so there won’t be any tempations. I’ve lost all of my friends from high school because i was always with him. I want to marry him so bad. Hes my heart and soul. I love him more than life. I just feel like he can’t love me the same way i love him. I feel like i’m wasting my time. He feels my head up with pretty ideas about getting married. But when it comes down to it he always changes the subject and says its not the right time. I have to do whats best for me. I want so badly to be everything for him. I wish i could be. I just think that he’s constantly thinking there is somebody better out there for him. I feel like i’ll never be good enough for him or his family. What should I do??

    • MeeToo

      I’m in the same situation. Coming up for 8 years together. I just wanted to ask, if you really love the guy you’re with and you trust him and he loves and trusts you and he has committed in other ways, why is marriage so important? I’m not saying I disagree with how you feel, but lots of my friends have asked me this. Also have you told your boyfriends this is how you feel, I mean really told them why it is important to you to help them understand that it’s not because everyone else is doing it. For instance, you could sit down and talk and he might say he wants to have enough money saved to get married, then you could agree to save a certain amount beforehand, if he won’t get involved in the steps to save towards the wedding, then you know that the reasons he is giving are not true. Ultimately, if you really believe you are soul mates, you should be able to communicate about this and find a solution that works for both parties. Even if my boyfriend never marries me I would never walk away because he is my soul mate. Unless he gave me reason to ie cheated etc. Most of the time, I think it’s our own insecurities that make us cling on to marriage as a fix-all. If you’re not sure if he loves you now, how will marriage change that?

    • Mensch

      Try this one on for size:

      -HE HAS SEEN THE EFFECTS OF NO-FAULT DIVORCE

      The marriage rate is at is lowest rate in American history,
      and it is poised to go lower, all thanks to the fact that men now realize how they can get financially shafted by the institution of marriage. All the lovely new bride has to do is get bored, and she walks off with half (and the kids).

      You may say that I’m just bitter, but I’m actually rather happy -I refuse to get married.

      The bitter ones are the older men who were screwed over by their unfaithful wives. They’re warning younger men like me to avoid marriage like the plague it has become, and guess what: we’re listening.

      More and more men are getting on board with the idea that marriage is a sham. I know you heard Kanye West’s “Gold Digger” song. Do you honestly think nobody took him seriously? Kanye knows what’s up.

      So does George Clooney,

      and Bill Maher,

      and Charlie Sheen,

      and your boyfriend,

      and your next boyfriend,

      and the guy after that.

      If you want marriage, then take a stand against no-fault divorce…or go buy some cats and get used to living alone.

      • Richard Alexander

        Your 100per cent correct I too have never married and will never marry unless the law is changed. Women should obey their husbands and if they choose to break the vows and disobey they should leave the marriage with the small amount they came with.

    • Jennifer

      Hi dedicated loyalist girlfriends,
      This has been a great therapy session for me simply reading how everyone else views postponing marriage for some mystery day in the future..Me and my boyfriend of 4 years just handled a dispute over this and I must say its still unsettled within me. He is a deployed sailor and I have never been more faithful to him than during the time he is gone. With this brings a sense of loneliness and pathetic social life because I do not tempt myself around single straight male friends and only can meet up with gal pals about once a week when they are not working late hours. I do not go to the gym in search of encouragement from other men and work out alone. I do not associate with male co-workers outside of work. I do not go to the beach or mall and talk it up with new males. I avoid the motorcycle scene where I used to have a life and several male biker enthusiasts, as well. I really walk alone and put my life on hold it seems for about 6 months during these times. Most of all, I would NEVER leave him while he is away without first speaking to him in person about it. We have quite the roller coaster style history established and I feel there is really nothing I could not handle now…at least I thought. He is previously a divorcee of 8 years and we have worked through the remnants that left over..mainly we have established the fact that yes, he found a woman he is now happy to call someone he can raise a child with and later marry that makes him happy and shares all of his passions. I am 23 and he is 32. Focusing back on the argument we had, he called while I was on lunch break a couple of days ago and naturally I was feeling down eating alone so he wanted to attempt to make me feel better and said to lay it all on him. Its a rarity to hear him care to listen so consequently I told him all on my mind. I asked for his open ear, not his judgment, simply because I do try and avoid negative conversations in which I felt may arise. It ranged from all aspects of life from career to relationship to home-buying [together] vs. renting to making more new friends, then on to bad roommates. What a flood of thoughts I was really experiencing is what I was thinking and how nice it felt to have him just hear me out. Well, apparently I got anxious during the call and dropped the E-word without even realizing it which made him fly off the wheel. End of story was that he said he wasn’t ready which led to I’m not getting engaged then led to I’m never getting married at which point I hung up because I was getting sick with a quickness. Subsequently, I felt incredulous and appalled that I had just been slammed like that rather than picked up as he promised he would try to do. 1) I feel guilty for opening up and laying this real stress I have on him while he is overseas 2) We have already been through an ultimatum situation and survived it 3) He later said goodbye in a text faster than he could even care to explain why he felt the relationship had any significance or impact on his life at all 4) I never pressured him and am fine waiting for him when he is ready; just need some kind of goals to look forward to is what I was trying to address to him.
      The point I am making is that when I left before with the ultimatum I gave him, I came across this loving man who wanted these things with me, children, marriage, a home together but he just was not my soul mate and I gave up on love for a while to think to myself maybe the timing is just all so wrong for everybody and I need not rush such a life-altering decision. I would be lying to myself to believe 4 years is rushing anything. It was flattering to have this reassuring wave of love come to me from someone I barely knew and was of the same age as my original boyfriend and actually had his head on straight. That still did not make it right for me. The summer came and went and my boyfriend of 4 years came back. We were going strong after we realize the time we spent apart made us only appreciate each other that much more and that there really is love between the two of us.
      This came up which has totally blown me away all over again. Because of the lack of respect he has shown me by dismissing a possibility of a future together and for the rash decision of wanting to walk out. We have since talked over it, apologized and moved forward however the thought lingers on my mind where he finds it so easy to turn off the light and is eager to do it…any advice or related men?

    • end o me tether!!!

      OK try this 1, been with fella for 13 yrs , had baby, now 3 yrs, when i found i was pregnant he was over the moon & said do I want to get marrid now or wait till i get my figure back!…….
      Guess what, still NOT been asked :-( What’s a girl 2 do?

      He married his 1st wife, what am I doing wrong?????

      • faye

        its sound like the same guy i’m dealing with. i ask myself the same question why he won’t marry me. been with this dude for 8yrs. had his baby. 2 yrs ago found out that he had a wife and other kids. i let him use my truck and hr ran off with it for 2 months. 4 months later i take him back and try 2 make it and now this is my 3rd time asking 2 get married. and now i’m bouts 2 leave him.

    • sue

      I was with my boyfriend for 13 years. he kept sayin yes he would marry me and get me a ring. we started shopping for a ring online. the next weekend after that he did not come home. he said he was busy with work. on tuesday after work he had taken all his stuff and left. what a waste of my life. i love him alot but he just damped me.
      iam not mad at all am just sad.

    • Amy

      I hate to share this story, but I need to vent. I have been w/ the same man for almost 10 years. We are high school sweethearts. We hardly ever talk about marriage and when we do, he never really has much to say. He gets upset when I bring it up and all I can think about it “maybe he’s upset because when he does ask he wants it to be perfect.” I guess that’s the way I have to look at it. But all the bad stuff runs through my head instead. Like, am I not up to his standards because in like people are never going to be ready for what’s coming next. Is he waiting for me to graduate because that could be 2 more years and I might leave before then. It has to be me because he has already graduated and has a steady good paying job. I dunno if he is waiting until we have enough money, but the truth is “noboby ever has enough money.” We’ve been through everything, we’ve never taken a break but we have our arguments. So we are a normal couple. But I am ready for the next step because all I can think about is if he will ever want to marry me. He says to be patient and let it happen so I think he wants to. A good friend of my boyfriends told me a little something he said about me and for some reason I took it as bad. He said “I know that I won’t be able to find anyone better so I dunno what I am waiting for.” Ahhh! maybe I am not wife material to him. If that’s the case then maybe there is someone out there that would see me fit. *I’m so confused* I think I am going to have a talk w/ him in a week and let him know that it would be best if I leave and stay w/ my parents for a little while. Maybe he needs to see what it’s like w/out me around. I think I moved in too soon after 6 years. Now he’s too comfortable.

      • Ashley

        Omg… I can completely relate with your situation. Although I don’t live with my bf, I have been dating him for 10 years. We can’t even come to an agreement on where to live, so you’re already better off than we are. I have also tried everything under the sun for a proposal… from not leaving the subject alone to not talking about it at all for at least a year now. I’m not sure what the answer is, but I am happy that I’m not alone =) But I agree that he is probably too comfortable with me as well.

      • Richard Alexander

        Maybe because you were getting stroppy and arguing with him, he is thinking I love her but if she is misbehaving now and we’re not even married, what’s going to happen when she gets the ring on her finger and can legally take me to the cleaners in the divorce courts. If you think arguing with your man is “normal” rather than respecting him and making him feel great no wonder he is/was cautious.

    • Jenna Hartling

      me & my boyfriend been dating for 6 months now,and still didn’t propose to me,he keeps sayin “I’m not readdy” but I am,wut do I do,I dunno wut to do anymore,I’m turning 17 soon,and he’s 21,I’ll be 17 this October,& he wants to wait until I’m 20 but I don’t,wut do I do?? :(

      • dana

        ur reaqlly young to be thinking about marriage…but 6 months instnt that much time give it until a year….

      • Jess

        I’m 26 now, and I can remember those days when I was 17. My boyfriend at the time was the love of my life and I thought I would marry him. We even secretly got engaged. When you are 17 you think that life is as good as it gets, but you change. Things happen in your life that steer you in different directions. I’m so much more grown up now, even from when I was 23. You need to experience things like college, and careers. You will change your mind over and over again about so many things. If I could tell my 17 year old self something it would be to not take things so seriously, and love comes in many different types.

    • an idiot

      Please don’t judge me too harshly. I haven’t vented to anyone until now, so here goes. in 2008, i was married (16 yrs. and 2 kids), I got involved with a man whom i dated in high school over the internet. I ended my marriage and moved out. I had a hard time letting go of my marriage because my husband was trying so hard to save what we had lost- 3 months after i left, i became involved with my husband again (i doubted what i had in this new relationship because i found him on a dating website). But again, I ended it with my husband and 6 months later divorced him. my boyfriend and i moved in together (along with my kids who i have shared custody of). Boyfriend kept saying we would get married, but when that “month” came around–nothing. he even has said it to my kids, but has broken that promise so many times.

      in 2009, i had surgery to untie my tubes, so boyfriend and i could have a baby (he has no other children). still with the “promise” of marriage. I had our son in Feb 2011…guess what-we’re still not married. when i bring it up, he gets very angry and kicks me out. he says it’s because he can’t trust me. he calls me a whore and that he doesn’t love me and will never marry me. (but after a while, he calms down and says i can come back if i learn to keep my mouth shut and be thankful for what i have)

      I know i should move out, but it’s killin me. my kids really like him and of course i now have a new baby…

      I am so stupid!!

      I have ruined my reputation in our southern bible belt community.

      I ruined my relationship with my family because they don’t condone living together, and certainly not with kids- and of course his lyin promises.

      I have ruined any thoughts of normal life- my God, who would be interested in a desperate mess like me.

      I feel like a failure to my kids, and most importantly to myself. I don’t know how to handle this

      • Jess

        When I read your post I thought to myself, she needs to leave this asshole to be happy. You do not want to marry this guy!
        Take your kids and your beautiful new baby and go be single for awhile because it’s better than being with a boy. (A REAL man would never say what he said to you). Show your kids that you are a strong woman and won’t take that shit from anyone. Right now you are teaching them to settle. Take them and leave.

      • Beth

        It sounds to me like you’re not a failure, just a little scared and a little lost, especially considering the “Southern bible community” you live in. I realise that you posted some 198 days ago, and so forgive me if the situation is no longer as it once was, by all means, I sincerely hope it has improved. However, if this is not the case, let me begin my reply to your dilemma by first stating that I am not in the same position as you, nor have I ever been. You struck me as a woman of strength, dignity and the upmost compassion for your children, qualities that I greatly admire, and felt the need to reply to you, and empathise with you, even without having experienced what you have. I understand that being segregated from your community and family has been especially difficult for you, and I can fully understand how un-wavering religious people can be from their views, particularly concerning marriage, sexual relations and divorce (I know this being raised in a Christian household myself). However, just because religious people have abandoned you, do not think that your God has abandoned you, he hasn’t.
        My first words of advice would be to speak to your family or church. Explain to them that if God can forgive sinners, and Jesus can come to the aid of those in need, then why can’t the people of Gid forgive you for living with a man un married, and the followers of Jesus come to your aid with the current situation.
        Secondly, it would appear to me that you are raising the children pretty much on your own anyway. Your partner throws you out of your own house for simply speaking to him about subjects he doesn’t approve of. To me this seems manipulative, and soon your children will understand the way he treats you. They may like him now, but this man, emotionally abusing their mother will make them dislike him. To me, a stranger only understanding the bare minimum specifics around your situation, I feel you should move out. However, I do not know all the facts. You will know in your heart what you want to do, stay with him and put up with how he has made you feel, or move out and seek a better life for yourself and your children. Of course Uour financial situation has to be taken into account, but

      • Beth

        Also, but as the comment stated above, you deserve happiness, and to me, you seem unhappy.
        Being a stranger, this is all the advice I can offer. But you deserve decency, respect, honesty and happiness.
        Good luck, I hope you find what you are looking for.

    • Lonely Soul

      my boyfriend keeps saying that he wants to marry me, but whenever he gets money he’s more bothered about spending the money on himself, rather than going and buying a ring :( why are men so self-centred? He told me when we first met that he’d never been engaged before, but I found out that was a lie. I want to marry him, but I don’t feel special, since he’s already been engaged but won’t ask me :’(

      • InSeattle

        I know I am reading this waaaaaaaaaaay after you are posting it. When I read this post it made me sad. Are you atill with the guy?

    • Tiffany

      I’m kinda feeling the same way now. I’m 25 years old and my boyfriend will be 40 this month. It’s sad because I always knew I would want to get married and have kids. We have been together for a year and I actually live with him. I wish now I had asked him if there was any chance of getting married, not right away but in the future. I never did. I used to live in IL and I quit my job, put 30 day notice at my apartment, and left all my family and friends to drive 5 hours away and live with him in his apartment. But now after a year of being with him and living with him, yes in my stupidity I moved in with him right when we officially started dating but we had known each other awhile before that, he doesn’t ever officially speak his mind about anything he’s worried on he puts it on a piece of paper and leaves it out before he goes to work which I’m ok with I know some men it is hard to speak your mind but now I found out after this long he doesn’t want any kids. But he will not mention anything about marriage. I do love him, he’s such a sweet guy but I don’t know if I should put myself through this. I sacrificed everything to come here and be with him and it’s like he just doesn’t care.

    • Mark

      Ladies I was one of those guys once. I dated the same girl for 6 years. I was 25 when we met. She was 21. Everything was fine. She was a nice girl with a good family. and I thought I would eventually marry her. but I was also saying things to myself and to her like I need to wait until I am out of debt (only 5000 dollars at the time) It was just an excuse really. We got along great except towards the end we started having stupid fights about politics. and we started living together for the last year. Anyways my point is if we (guys) do not get married to a girl right away say within one year, the excitement starts to fade…and it becomes a little harder each day to believe this person will satisfy you for the rest of your life. Sounds selfish I know but I do not know how else to explain it. So my advice is if you are clinging to the idea of your bf popping the question, but its been like more than 3 years…break up with him and walk away. If he really wants to be with you, you will know by how he reacts. Dont be the needy one. Be the strong one…you will be happier in the end.

    • lynn

      you know i read all your posts and I’m sad. I have a boyfriend for the last 5 years. I love him sooo much. we both came from divorces, but his was the wife cheated and me well I fell out of love with him. He has 2 boys and i have 2 girls. the first year amazing so in love we move in together all of us. and I play the role of wifie and step mom,2nd year he buys a house the perfect house for us. the 3rd year now he starts acting wierd, and comes out and tells me hes not happy. so i’m totally devistated my world is turned upside down what do I do? So I ask do you want me to leave and he says no. And he seems to move past it and acts like nothing ever happend. me on the other hand, my bubble that i lived in for 3 years is popped and my feeling have slowed down i’m not as catoring and willing to bend for him and what he wants. but time moves on and here it is the 4thyear and I stat talking about marriage and he says he never wants to get married. I’m crushed agian. He said I told you in the begining that I never wanted to get married but thats not what i recall I was asked if I would ever get remarried and I said yes only if it was right and he said yeah i guess i would too if it was just right. So now I am always upset when people ask us when we are getting married and other people are engaged after short periods of being together. 5thyear now he thinks it wouldn’t be a bad idea if we got married some day. its a roller coaster ride. what do i do? do i keep sticking around and feel resent and pain thinking i’m not good enough. or do i stay with someone that I am in love with?

      • Richard Alexander

        Why on earth would he risk marrying you after you left your first husband because of a “feeling” he already knows your promises cannot be taken seriously based of your past behaviour. By your own admission you wont now bend to what he wants. So why on earth would he marry a woman with your attitude?

    • Chastity

      I’ve been with my guy 9 years this year our child is 7 4 times we got engaged I broke it off as he wouldn’t set a date. I moved out 3 years ago as he wouldn’t marry then we brought a business I said I can’t live with you unless we marry last year whilst trying to buy the business I got ” we will marry this year” my birthday came 4 months ago guess what ring no 4 he said we will marry when we move in the business stupidly I agreed here I am with the excuses
      ” we are too busy”
      ” we will have to see about his redundancy money”
      ” we will marry when he says”
      ” he hasn’t time to talk about it now”

      I got we have to have sex at least 4times a week and I dress up in sexy stuff 2 times a week.

      I also got he can go out when he wants for how long no questions asked.

      I’m stuck if I leave I have no home no job for myself and the children it could take years to sell

      He lied to get me here I’ve comfort ate and. Iw I’m losing weight getting fit but I’m so empty inside
      He is 44 im no 4 who’s wanted to marry him out of 40 girlfriends he said he usually stats with them 3 months ends it etc
      I’m 42 jaws with my ex 16 years 10 married so big weddings etc don’t interest me.
      I got from him ” you do all the wedding arrangement I’ll just turn up ”
      That makes me feel upset he just is t interested I what’s meant to be the happiest day if your life he said if we marry we will get unhappy and split ?

      Thing sex 4 times a week I emotionally am too upset to be close to him Missouri its a matter of time before he looks else where.

      9 years of waiting is such a waste of time it I agree with the guy here saying the next guy will be the same Men don’t want to marry but they want a sex slave a mother replacement and children how cantheyexpect all that when they can’t simply commit?

      • Richard Alexander

        Because most modern women don’t do as their told anymore, they then try and steal half the mans money. There is no benefit to the wise attractive man marrying anymore and you can thank the feminist for it. By your own admission it seems you will quibble to satisfy all his sexual needs. So why would he marry you, knowing you will be complaining rather than doing everything humanly possible to please your man?

    • SAD

      i know im late to the party here but i know how all you feel ive been with my bf for 7 years and no ring and no ring in sight. all my friends are married with kids (they are also my age (25) or younger) and its just fustrating. the worst part being my bf is the youngest of 4 brothers all of them are marred (last one got married a year and a half ago) and my bf mother intrudces me to everyone as her next daughter in law which dont get my wrong is very flattering but seriously its either got to stop or she has to talk to her son and make sure he’s on the same page… but as far as i can tell he isnt.

    • Helen Dickinson

      its quite common this.i thought i was the only one to miss the boat.ive been with my boyfriend for 21 years.i met him when i was 15,got pregnant 5 months later,left school looked after my son,who is now 19(and has a child himself)yeah im now a nan to a beautiful little grandaughter.me and my partner have 4 children in total together,ages 19,16,12,11 i have proposed at least 40 times and been rejected everytime.his excuses are money,which is rubbish cos we live comfortably and havent got any debts,he did propose 7 years ago and he picked a date out 21/07/07 i was so overwhelmed and was over the moon,excited.we started to plan our wedding and to my annoyance he said he couldnt go thru with it.which was gut wrenching for me.as he gave me a date an took it back.it does cause problems in our relationship,because i feel he is depriving me of a wedding to the love of my life.i often think if i get rid i wont marry,but i suppose that much is clear.id rather go it alone than be with him for him to use this to get to me.

    • InSeattle

      Hi All! I know I am posting this way late. Like maybe 2 or 3 years late…But I am feeling the same way and have no one to talk to about it. I know I most likely wont get any replies but it makes me feel better adding my teo cents i guess.

      My fiance asked me to marry him 3 years ago and gave me a ring but he wont marry me. He keeps coming up with excuses. We now have a beautiful, sweet little girl together but I am still not married. I feel so sad. I have so many things going through my mind right now! I don’t know what to do with myself. i feel so stupid and ugly and fat and like he changed his mind about me. I am crying my eyes out right now. When he proposed to me I felt like the happiest girl in the world. Then I got pregnant and had a child. He said he would marry me once the baby was here. Now she is 2 and he is coming up with more excuses. I feel so worthless and dumb. Good luck to all you ladies out there. I wish you strength and hope. I don’t have a back up plan so I will hold out for him cuz I love him. Honestly I think maybe he is seeing some one behind my back now. I love my daughter so much but I hate my life. Both of our families wonder why we arent married. I do too!!! But I don’t say anything bad about him because I am not like that. I will tell you though hat my heart is sooooooooooooooooooooo broken. I don’t know how much longer I can live like this. I feel so worthless :(

    • Seattle girl

      Wow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am really sad. I just poured my heart out on here… and it wouldnt let me post it for some reason and deleted my comment. I was reaching out to some one and I was deleted. God I feel like there’s no hope for me so nevermind I guess. I will just go back to crying. Bye :(

    • Lincon John

      hello everyone am jennet Stewart. if i refuse to share this
      testimony it means i am selfish to my self and to people i love so much
      whom might have similar problems, my husband left home after a little
      misunderstanding and never came back home at first i thought it was a
      joke he left me for his mistress outside, all dis happen in February 1st
      last year i am sharing this testimony because valentine is back again
      and so many men will live their wife and celebrate valentine with there
      girl friend, i complained to my very good friend she told me she was
      having such problems in her marriage until she was introduce to Prophet Osaze
      a specialist doctor who specializes in bringing back broken homes and
      broken marriages Prophet Osaze cast a spell for me in February 10th
      surprisingly my husband came home February 12th apologizing that i
      should
      forgive him that this will never happen again. this i will never forget
      Prophet Osaze same my marriage his contact address is spirituallove@hotmail.com

    • tooldto continue

      Well after living with my bf for 11 years, he told me he won’t marry me because I am in debt and he doesn’t want to be responsible for it. WTF…so here we sit 55 and 52 and I am sure he won’t marry me, Should I just give it up and leave???

      • Richard Alexander

        Why would he want to get saddled with your debt for all the bad decisions YOU mad before he met you. I bet if he was to marry you, you would not “obey” him so why would he be foolish enough to sign an unfair contact (marriage) that only benefits you? So you feel secure (translated, means YOUR debt is also his and you can walk away with his money if your unhappy) . You should be thankful he is with you despite the fact you have bad judgement with money.