In keeping with our recent post Vagina Monologue: 10 Things We Shove All Up In There, and the follow-up Inside Story: 10 More Things We Stick Up Our Vaginas, we now present the final installment of our trilogy: 10 Things We Women Stick Up Our Butts. Apologies if we sound cheeky.
1. Hemorrhoidal Suppositories – Preparation H-ell, yes.
2. Anal Dildos – Her name is Vibrating Mistress and she’s pleased to meet you – at the motel of your choice. ($60 at Babeland)
3. Butt Plugs – Pretty in Pink. Great, now I’m craving a Ring Pop. (from $18 at Babeland)
4. Butt Beads – More bulbous back-door action. ($18 at Babeland)
5. Thermometers – Old-school method of temperature-taking (mercury or digital). Use Vaseline.
6. Fingers – Gyno during rectal exam; partner during sex; inserting hemorrhoidal suppositories.
7. Penises – Use your imagination.
9. Colonic Tubes – Hopefully with the help of a professional colon therapist.
10. Coke and Heroin – If you’re a drug mule. That’s gotta hurt.