• Fri, Jan 21 2011

Cutting The Cord: How I Canceled My Abusive Relationship (With Cable TV)

I knew we needed to end things. He was never there for me. I’d come home after a long day at work, wanting nothing more than a glass (well, a bottle really) of wine, a couch, and some of his sweet loving, and he’d give me nothing but grief.

“He” was my cable TV provider. (I’ll let him remain anonymous, but let’s just say his initials are TWC and he’s sort of a big deal.) We were together for just over two years (at least in our last incarnation, but you know, there were several more years of “on and off” stuff before that). There were good times (many of them having to do with Bravo or Tina Fey), but there were bad times too. Oh, were there bad times.

“I just can’t take this anymore,” I tipsily told a customer service representative one night. There I was, wanting nothing more than to erase my workday with some Viognier and Top Chef, but it wasn’t working. The sound popped in and out of the recording, rendering it tragically unwatchable.

“I’m sorry to hear that m’am,” the representative replied in a sweet southern drawl, its mellifluous tones deepening the chasm of cliches between us. Me: angry, wine-soaked New Yorker; her: a sweet lady’s lady with a husband and kids and no fervent desire to watch Top Chef or 30 Rock or No Reservations RIGHT NOW GODDAMMIT. “Can you tell me what the display on your cable box says now?”

It was always the same. They were always “sorry to hear that.” Sorry to hear that I didn’t have sound or picture or channels despite the ungodly sum I handed their evil employer each month. I could hear hours of training in their voices and their perfectly chosen words; a memo about better customer service, role playing exercises in as soulless conference room teaching a faceless army how to deal with enraged customers. This only infuriated me further. “Let’s try resetting your box… I don’t see anything on my end… I’ll have to send a repairman… the first available appointment I have is two weeks from tomorrow smack in the middle of the work day.”

The final breaking point came not with Tom Colicchio or Tina Fey, but Jon Hamm. It was the Mad Men season finale. I invited a dozen friends over to huddle around the glowing box, to eat, drink and rejoice in television, as man has done for ages. Someone made Chicken Kiev. Everyone brought wine. I turned on the television, eager to watch Don Draper screw up his pretty little life yet again. The picture sputtered to life and then continued to sputter, a sticky stream of pixels and disjointed audio. The crowd grasped. We took a deep breath, and switched from hi-def to the standard broadcast. Surely TWC could at least give us that. But it couldn’t…

We battled for about 90 minutes. With TWC’s cheap, unresponsive remote control in hand, I tried valiantly, clumsily to provide the finale we desperately wanted. It was out there in the ether, but we couldn’t bring it into my cozy living room. If we could watch it live instead of on DVR, if we could catch a later feed, surely it could work somehow… but it didn’t. I walked my guests to the door defeated. Then I picked up the phone, dialed the number I knew all too well, and ended things.

The next day, I came home from work to find that my boyfriend had pulled the sickly cable box from the entertainment center and replaced it with an AppleTV. It had the feeling of a dead hamster being swapped out for a fresh one for an unsuspecting young child. But of course, I am an adult (sorta), and I knew this wasn’t the same hamster.

It sprang obediently to life, offering up a clean, crisp interface with happy chirps, like any Apple product. The boyfriend showed off the new baby joyfully, see it can play Netflix Instant or anything in your iTunes library, it’s so easy. I wanted to be happy. This was right. This was healthy. But, I couldn’t help but think of him.

What if I want to watch 30 Rock on the night it airs, not the next day? What about The Daily Show? Or the CNN Magic Wall? Memories of the good times flooded back to me.

The boyfriend curtly reminded me that I’d rarely been able to make it to the end of The Daily Show without falling asleep, and that I’d wasting hours each week engaging in dysfunctional behavior with TWC, from phones calls and hold times to “technician appointments.” I couldn’t go back to that. We couldn’t go back to that.

They call the increasingly popular act of ditching your cable TV in favor of cheaper entertainment options, from Hulu to AppleTV to a good old antenna, “cutting the cord,” and it’s all too fitting a phrase. It implies we’re all just little babies tied not so much to an evil cable provider of a boyfriend but really an evil, omnipotent mother… a crack mother perhaps. “How do you manage?” friends and colleagues will ask when I tell them of my big cable break-up, as if there’s some sort of struggle to survive without the TV teat to suck.

But I am surviving. Yes, there’s an occasional strange sense of disconnect, to, say, not being able to watch the election returns on that CNN Magic Wall or have a sit down with Andy Cohen to review the latest Real Housewives train wreck. And there’s an odd new awareness of just what I’m viewing. Watching a TV show on the AppleTV, either buy buying it off iTunes or through Netflix Instant, feels like more of a deliberate act than scrolling through TWC’s offerings. That’s probably a good thing, and, as the (human, not cable provider) boyfriend is quick to remind me, it’s not like TWC ever really worked when I wanted him/it. True, but those times when it was good, those few, rare times, it was really good.

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  • Eric Gainer

    I yanked my cable intake this year, and still get those “two headed” looks from those who couldn’t muster the possibility of leaving their cable umbilical cord long enough to spark conversation, reading or intelligible events in their life.

    Moving from one media source to another isn’t the answer but it is a huge step of independence of filler time isn’t it! Kudos. We consume far to much as it is.

    http://www.backyardmystic.com/2010/12/this-year-i-am-where-i-need-to-be/

  • cschrepp

    It’s been 7 years since I got rid of cable, which means I’ve not spent $7000 on cable.

  • Brenda

    I cancelled my cable yesterday because I have only been paying $10 the last two years and as of today, I would have to pay $29 a month. I live on SS and cable is not affordable anymore as that increase would only leave me $6 a month after rent, utilities and car insurance. So now I have $35 leftover to buy gas, toiletries and paper products. It is just a matter of survival for me. I get free dial up internet or I wouldn’t have that. Everything I can do to save money, that’s what I do. The state gives me food stamps so I eat very well via creative cooking.

  • lou

    cut off cable over a yr ago & hooked up computer to TV & watch it all FREE with the exceprion of $9 a month from Netflix (which I love) Sports, Fox news, local affiliates, shows like CSI Miami etc are all stramed the day after & you can pause when you want … its great & the quality is good. Who the hell needs to pay $700_ a year if you dont need to.. with hulu, streamick, WWITV & others . don’t be held hostage by the cable co.. you dont need them.. It might take a few minutes more to start up computer but its worth it.. Tough times means cutting back & I still get to watch it all without a monthly bill!!

  • http://www.backyardmystic.com backyardmystic

    I also have student friends who have gone further to cancel their internet, as the local library allows up to 2 hours free high speed service a day. Its all about being creative with your resources.

  • Jessie

    I cut the cable, Internet and Netflix. I am tired of bleeding out money to these people. The cable companies are the worse. They have no respect for ME the person paying THEM for a service. Ugh… I have the library now, where I can check out movies, books and access the Internet FOR FREE. I figured this saved me over 100 dollars a month. I started a savings account instead.

  • Mary

    I cut my cable about 6 months ago. Haven’t looked back yet. I got tired of paying 70 bucks a month for the crap that was passing for entertainment on tv these days. Hours of channel surfing and nothing I wanted to see. Its great having extra money……paying off bills with it.

  • Mike

    I pay 250.00 a month and I am on ssd I would not get rid of it ever the hell with that

    • Lynn

      You’re an idiot.

  • Mike

    dont hate on me lynn lol

  • Meg

    I gave up satellite TV 12 years ago!!! We switched to satellite because the local cable was so bad. Satellite was only slightly better. At the time we got by through Blockbuster for movies and just waited for the end of the season for shows like The Sopranos and Band of Brothers. It really taught us the value of delayed satisfaction. Now I have dropped Blockbuster because they are too expensive compared to Netflix, and their only advantage was to swapped out mailed movies at the stores, and most of them are gone from our area. I use my Playstation 3 for viewing Netflix and Hulu Plus on TV or watch FOX, ABC, NBC, etc on my laptop. I watch only what I want and no longer pay for stations I have no interest in watching. I now have money for vacations for dinner at upscale restaurants, where my son and I can enjoy nice dinner converstion without the distraction of TV. As for Mike, seriously dude, get a life!!! Stop abusing the system.