In the newest ad for Smart Water (below), Jennifer Aniston, a longtime spokesperson for their product, takes a stab at making a “viral” video. She pokes fun at popular internet memes and agrees to name the video “Jennifer Aniston Sex Tape, ” but despite her compelling eight-line plug for the actual water — “Smart Water is the purest tasting water there is” — we’re not buying it. She’s not that funny (surprise) and the ad’s failure to mention any health benefits makes us feel like chumps for spending two or three bucks on a bottle of their water.
The video opens with Aniston addressing viewers: “I’m here to talk to you about Smart Water, but in this day and age, I can’t just do that, can I? I can’t just tell you that Smart Water is the smartest, best-tasting water that’s out there. I have to make a video apparently that turns into a virus.” She proceeds to make cute attempts at recreating several past internet memes with a bottle of smartwater in hand, but barely mentions why she likes the water so much in the entire course of the (nearly three minute) ad.
Call us conspiracy theorists, but we think something’s wrong with this picture: Aniston isn’t exactly known for her comedic talents; she’s mostly prized for her hair and body, last time we checked. She’s practically hunted down for beauty and fitness tips (grown adult women will eat nothing but baby food if they hear that’s what Aniston is doing), and Smart Water put her on a screen with some CGI babies? If Smart Water could really improve our health and beauty, we don’t think they’d be wasting time with double rainbows, folks. They’d be telling her to gab about how it can help you get lithe and glowy like her. Of course, they’ve been implying that for years with their print ads, featuring Aniston either half-dressed and gulping Glaceau, or wielding their well-marketed bottle while wrapped in a sheet, in bed. But now that she’s on video, our suspicions are confirmed: Smart Water will not make us look like Jennifer Aniston.