Last night on NBC’s Parenthood, Crosby learned a valuable life lesson the hard way. Or, rather, Crosby didn’t learn a valuable life lesson at all. He had cheated on his fiancee, Jasmine (pictured), in a sloppy one-night stand, which caused her to kick him out of their apartment, and pretty much say: It’s over. Crosby then reacted by doing what most men do when they realize that they’ve been caught or they messed up or they understand that they’re about to lose someone or something that’s very important to them: He panicked. When this kind of thing happens, the cheater (in this case a man, but could easily be a woman) tends to overcompensate. He acts rashly — kind of like he did when he had the one-night-stand in the first place. He’s suddenly convinced that his only mission in life is to win his partner back, whatever it takes, whatever the cost. After all, a thief is almost always sorry after he gets caught. The problem is, once someone has fallen out of love with you, it’s pretty damn near impossible to make that someone love you again.
I’m sure you’ve been in a similar situation before. (I know I have.) The newly-contrite guy realizes his egregious mistake and launches his campaign to revive your relationship: He sends emails, texts, and/or calls you constantly (almost to the point of stalking) to apologize and see how you’re doing and to ask if you might want to get together whenever is convenient for you. He sends you flowers or their equivalent. He leaves sweet, thoughtful notes on your car or outside your house. He repeatedly blubbers to all your friends that he’ll do anything to get you back. He cries in front of his own friends about how much he misses you. In short, this guy is desperate. Sometimes these after-the-fact emotional stunts work for us, and other times, as far as the relationship goes, they’re just too little too late.
Crosby acted just as desperately. He wasted no time selling his empty bachelor-pad houseboat to make himself seem more like an adult (which he’d been hanging onto so that he could feel like less of an adult). Then he spontaneously bought a fixer-upper house that he could barely afford in the hopes of luring Jasmine and their son back into his life, their hopefully new life together.
But what Crosby (and lots of other real-life fellows) doesn’t realize is that if Jasmine says it’s over, then it really is over. Bonus points to Crosby for caring and trying, but impulsively investing in sketchy real estate deals isn’t the way to fix a broken heart. And doubtless his heart is broken. (It usually is when you stupidly and permanently ruin a mostly good relationship that you thought you’d be in for a really long time.)
To help, I suggest that Crosby (and any non-fictional man in his unenviable position) read the Blisstree post How to Get Over a Broken Heart, which currently features more than 2,000 reader comments on the sad subject and gives ten pieces of sound advice about moving on from a ruptured relationship. (Of course, one must first accept that said relationship has ruptured, and I don’t think Crosby’s quite there yet.) Then there’s another, slightly more depressing (but realistic) take from our follow-up post: Counterpoint: A Different Approach to Getting Over a Broken Heart, which is more along the lines of there’s really nothing you can do to help yourself get over someone.
Two time-worn romantic cliches are appropriate to trot out here. The first is that some things are definitely worth fighting for. So if you believe that’s the case, give it a shot. But just remember cliche #2: You can’t make someone love you. If that person doesn’t love you anymore, there’s nothing you can do about it, no matter how hard you try or how much real estate you buy. So Crosby, you really should see if your buyer’s agent can find a loophole to get you out of closing on that crappy house.
photo courtesy of NBC