Hello there, Gym. I’m afraid we’re not very happy with you today. You, with your alluring TV screens built right into your elliptical machines and treadmills and stationary bikes (devices that burn calories and increase our heart rates, but don’t actually build strength or muscle mass). Sure, we bought into your cushy, hotel-like amenities for a while, but now it’s time to reveal you for the con-artist you really are.
Your argument is that said TV personal screens (and the images on them) keep us inside you for longer stretches of time, so that we’re exercising for longer stretches of time. But that logic is faulty. There are times when we’re on the ellipitcal machine watching a rerun of Friends, followed by a rerun of King of Queens, followed by a rerun of How I Met Your Mother, and we don’t even break a sweat the entire time. Technically, we may have just exercised for an impressive 90 minutes, but during that time, we didn’t really work out at all. That’s a complete waste of our time, money, and valuable TV-watching hours.
We know. This problem is as much our own fault as it is yours. We have free will. We should just switch off our personal TV screens and get down to serious cardio business. (But what about all those overhead mounted TVs? You really should turn those damn things off for good. No one watches them anyway — there’s no bleeping sound! Hence, they’re just a pointless distraction and total waste of electricity.)
But you really shouldn’t scam us into working out less every time we come to visit you. That’s not nice. After all, we’re paying you good money to use your machinery, so you should want us to get the most benefit from our experience in your clutches. Why? So that we convince all our friends to come join your fitness cult, that’s why. But not to watch TV. (We can and do accomplish that task perfectly well at home on our own.) We’re here to get fit and stay healthy. And you’re supposed to help us do that, you silly Gym.
And don’t even get us started on your personal magazine racks. If we’re comfortably able to read all about the royal wedding preparations currently happening across the pond, then we’re definitely not working out hard enough.
Shame on you, Gym. Are you trying to keep us fat, so that we have no choice but to keep coming back to you for more?