Gawker recently has bemoaned the new Spanx for men line of undergarments. The undies/girdle combination will provide support for their, uh, bits, and suck in their muffin tops (yes, men get muffin tops too, I refuse to call them “love handles”), but writer Hamilton Nolan claims it destroys all things masculine and equals the sorry state of Mankind.
Oh Gawker, quit your hissy-fit bitching.
Your belly-streamlinin’ girdle doesn’t make you less of a man. Your rampant insecurity about what others will think of your male virility is what makes you less of a man. Real men know that enjoying some of the finer things in life, like eyebrow waxing, wearing jewelery, and yes, hiding your gut, doesn’t mean the “Real Men” have gone the way of the dodo. Real men, in fact, couldn’t give a toss.
And furthermore, may I just say, I’m glad women are no longer the only sex to enjoy the “fun” of undergarments. Forget all the “over the shoulder boulder holder” talk, we’ve had to suffer through corsets, bustiers, petticoats, nylons, stockings, garter belts, crotchless panties, girdles, full-body Spanx, and dental floss-esque thongs.
So really fellas, just man-up and accept the change. You can still wear your Stetsons, hammer up some drywall, scratch your hairy bums, and smoke Cuban cigars while wearing your Spanx. You’ll just look better doing it.