It sounds like a 1930s propaganda film: Can Women Be Trusted To Uncage Their Sexuality? Alas, it’s actually the headline of a recent YourTango piece by dating coach Delaine Moore, whose self-proclaimed mission is “to help men and women going through divorce STOP falling apart and START becoming Fearless and Fiery.” She is also, according to her bio, “Canada’s leading authority on gender intelligence.”
I’m just gonna let all that sink in for you for a moment.
What Moore wants to know is “if a grown woman has wild sex with numerous lovers after divorce, do you think she’ll have difficulty being faithful in her next serious relationship?” —and ‘be honest,’ she cajoles. Apparently, in Moore’s world, divorcées lose all ability to reason once they start getting laid; one taste of the forbidden fruit of sex-outside-marriage and they become walking clitorises. It seems Moore either a) assumes women never sleep around before getting married, or b) is just using the this whole divorce business to soften the blow of her real question: Do you think women can’t control their sexuality once it’s uncaged?
I kind of love this vision of sexuality uncaged; in my mind, I’m picturing a giant vagina going around all Little-Shop-of-Horrors style—Feed me! Feeeeed me!—or perhaps one of those sullied heroines found on the covers of old pulp-novels, her prim dress torn as she succumbs to the illicit pleasures of the flesh.
A few paragraphs in, though, Moore pulls back a little—she doesn’t think fidelity and sexual history have anything to do with one another; she’s just responding to a question from a reader (who, at least in the part of the letter she prints, brings no mention of divorce into the equation). Let’s take her at her word for a moment though—the title, the questions of the first few paragraphs, it’s all just in service of
page-views providing advice to this poor man who is certain his girlfriend’s prior sexual escapades have sullied her. Of course, he doesn’t care about this either—no, no, no; he’s just worried that when they run into her ex-lovers, they will be looking down on her. Moore’s response
Maybe these guys look down on her, but maybe they don’t. Remember, they got a taste of what they WISH their girlfriends/wives would be like. They look at you and they KNOW what you get at home…and I bet some large part of them is really jealous, even if they say otherwise to their buddies.
She then commends the writer for being “an incredible man;” my head then explodes.
“You openly accept her and love her for all that she is and has been,” Moore writes. “And not many men are big enough, secure enough, passionate enough to love a Woman who has defied the rules.”
Yes, it sure takes a big man to write into an advice columnist about how he’s sure everyone’s whispering behind his back about what a ruined woman he’s dating. Gag. This is the ‘gender intelligent’ perspective? Oh, Canada. I’m sorry.