Move Over, Shake Weight: The Free Flexor Is The New Way To Thrust Yourself Hard

If you’ve been looking at your Shake Weight and thinking “Huh, I really like the jiggling action, but it’s just too stiff and rigid for me to really get the results I want,” you are not alone. An amazing entrepreneur (with the help of some “fitness professionals”) has taken the thrusting, pumping action of the Shake Weight, and make it a little more flaccid, to help you achieve the hard body you’ve always wanted. Meet the Free Flexor.

The world’s first (they say?) flexible dumbbell, the Free Flexor puts the Shake-Weights to shame. With its rapid, all-directions pumping motion, just a few jerks on this weight will have you feeling like the tough guy you are. It will also, apparently, “”make your muscles cry,” which is exactly what you want from a workout. Plus, it’s portable, so you can Free Flex your way to biceps the size of toddlers anywhere you go.

But don’t take it from me (a wimpy woman whose muscles cry all the time because they’re girl-muscles)–take it from one of the muscular men in a bedazzled t-shirt in the video:


Once you start getting the momentum swinging, it starts to go deep. You can feel it.

Unfortunately, the Free Flexor is just for men–though I’m sure if you lower your voice when you order it over the phone, or tell them that its for your boyfriend who needs to beef up, the manufacturers will do anything to get put this incredible technology in your hands.

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    • Elizabeth Nolan Brown

      Why does the ad look like softcore porn???

      • THEOtherGent

        Does it? Or does YOUR mind interpret it that way…..hmmmm