In true Rosanne Barr style, she wrote a really outspoken essay on the joys–and curses–of menopause. In here, Barr starts out talking about 53-year-old Madonna‘s recent episode of kissing her 24-year-old boyfriend in public and saying that one day the Material Girl will too dislike her body and everything that post menopause brings. Starting with a dying sex drive.
But, girl, don’t even sweat it—if you can help not sweating during the “Pause.” Most likely, as your vaginal walls recede and become paper thin, rendering your sexual passage dry as a bone, and while gravitational pull moves your once jaunty pockets of stored fat ever downward into your ankles and feet, making them really puffy, the sweating will add the coup de grâce to the whole mess, rendering you wet where you used to be dry and dry where you used to be wet. After a little while, the blessed memory lapses will make it so that you will hardly remember what was wet, and that really helps a lot with the depression.
But it’s not all bad. Barr goes on to talk about the the joys she discovered after menopause, namely wine, and writing and spending time alone. These things, she says, replaced her dried-up sex drive. What’s also interesting–and commendable–is the fact that Barr has stuck to her own beliefs and refused to take the “libido-restoring male hormones constantly proffered me by this culture and Suzanne Somers and her hordes of apologists and postmenopausal cougars.”
But back to sex.
The sex drive is that dark continent that I see now receding in the distance, behind me and the ship that has sailed with me at its helm—and I am no longer feeling mixed about seeing it go; I am actually relieved. It produced so much pain, really, so much wear, tear, and worry, not to mention the work, and sweat of raising the kids that come from it, who roll their eyes at you when you say things like these things I am saying in this article.
And even now that she claims she is gray, wrinkled, tired, and bloated with achy joints, she no longer fears menopause, and she’s no longer at the mercy of her hormones and her biological clock. Barr describes her experience as a “raw and often torturous ordeal”, but says things like no more periods and no more episodes of “a major, flaming bitchfest” are not missed.
She sums it up in the best way possible:
Menopause is the victory lap over the curse of being born female!