• Mon, Feb 13 2012

Chris Brown’s Grammys Comeback: This Is How Men Get Away With Domestic Violence

chris brown grammys

Last night, America watched known abuser Chris Brown perform at the Grammys and, just like in the real world, no one said a thing about the fact that he once beat Rihanna. And sadly, this is why so many of us are still shocked that one in four women is the victim of domestic violence: When we all choose to ignore it in favor of lighter entertainment, it just keeps happening in silence. Giving Chris Brown a free pass is not only infuriating, it’s also a missed opportunity to talk about domestic violence…and stop it.

Sasha Pasulka at HelloGiggles wrote this amazing article yesterday, which does a great job of summing up why it’s extremely disappointing to see the lack of outrage about Chris Brown’s performance (and career as a whole). She also pretty accurately documented the absence of real consequences–which, I think, is the real thrust. Because from the first day that the images of Rihanna’s brutalized face went public, Hollywood’s elite have acted like domestic violence enabling neighbors and friends across America, shrugging it off and stating that it wasn’t their relationship to comment on, to last night when Brown took to the stage and received applause, we have continued to (sorry to use this turn of phrase) turn the other cheek.

But how can we be that upset about that reaction, when it’s the exact same reaction that many, many people have toward domestic violence and its victims? That reaction is the standard model–and by continuing to let Chris Brown perform, Hollywood and the music industry is upholding the standard.

That is to say, the response by the collective public, by much of the media, and by Hollywood to Chris Brown’s actions toward the woman he was in a relationship with was essentially identical to the reactions of law enforcement officials, community members, relatives, and even friends of domestic violence victims in every corner of the country. Even when it is a known fact that a woman is being bounced off the walls in the privacy of her home, those around her often turn away, unsure how to handle the situation, knowing full well the consequences of intervening. Knowing how hard it will be for the woman in question to escape and start a new life. Isn’t it easier for her to just forgive him?

I’m not sure why anyone expected anything different from Hollywood. It’s just disappointing, and a lost chance to correct centuries of crimes against women–and centuries of people looking away from them and pretending they don’t exist.

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  • tommy

    how can you still hate? serious it was 3 years ago and rii rii dropped the injuction this on him sooo just forget it mate

    • Sarah

      This is bigger than Chris Brown. It’s about this entire apologist attitude that keeps floating Chris Brown to the top, which is the same apologist attitude that lets this stuff keep happening to people who are, you know, not famous.

  • archimedes

    what he did was wrong and as far as i’m concerned he paid his dues. the world’s watching him and i’m sure he’s too smart to mess things up again. give the kid a break.

    • Sarah

      This is the Internet comment re: Chris Brown that has been the MOST COMMON since the incident.

      Give the kid a break?
      (a) Not a kid. 22 = grown man. 19 = old enough to know better. This is not some boys-will-be-boys scenario.
      (b) Why is HE the one that needs a break? What about the backlash against Rihanna, and how the general consensus seemed to be “she probably deserved it”?
      (c) I can understand your reasoning that he paid his dues, but the world watching him is no reason for him to not mess up again. Keep watching him instead of assuming he’s “too smart” to mess up again.
      (d) Oh, and “smart” has nothing to do with it.

    • susan

      You really need to move on, because Rihanna has, she is actually friends with him and she probably is sleeping with him. Chris has said he was sorry over 100 times, what more do people want from him. I watch him accept his award and I can feel how scared he is to even come and accept his award, not knowing people reactions.
      understand the desire to make an example of this guy, but is a blanket all-time shunning really helpful to society’s attempts to change men’s behaviour? Isn’t there a better way to make the point, you know, one that doesn’t essentially tell these guys that once a bad boy always and bad boy and therefore don’t bother changing? Seems to reinforce the counter culture from where I’m sitting.

  • gicuta

    you that much of a hater ?… when it comes to recognize someone’s succes you don’t start to dig for something that took place 999 years ago…IT WAS A MATTER OF PRIVACY OF THEIR COUPLE DUDE face it…DOES NO INVOLVE YOU OR ANYONE ELSE!!! get over it … you not 1% of breezy …you 0 talent…only know to express feelings from a keyboard!

    • Hanna Brooks Olsen

      Aaaaaand….this is how domestic violence stays in the shadows. Because of this exact attitude.

      Think of 4 women you know. 1 of them will be abused. Because of people who think like this.

    • Sarah

      If you can supply a meeting with Chris Brown I’m sure Hanna would be glad to express her feelings in person.

    • MJ1980

      I guess by your own standards you’d be a 0% talent, considering that what you just expressed from a key board sounded like it was written by a 5 year old. Oh, and what the hell does “you not 1% of breezy” mean? Ever take a remedial English class, ‘casue you should!

  • laura

    I am noticing that it is only MEN who are saying “it was soooo long ago, who cares?” It’s not HATE, it’s holding someone accountable for his actions, like any other wife-beater. Domestic violence is NOT ACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOR, guys! “Ri Ri” dropped the injunction, not because he didn’t beat her, but because I’m sure she wanted to put it behind her and not be known just as a victim. He, on the other hand, has never really apologized or shown that he is anywhere near figuring out that this is not acceptable behavior. The fact that he is a public figure makes it even more disgusting that people gloss over this “episode” in his life as if he was a victim of something, because he is a role model. Do we really want to teach our kids the lesson that it’s OK to beat up your girlfriend?

    • Sarah

      YES. THIS. THANK YOU.

    • Hanna Brooks Olsen

      Exactly.

    • Trey

      He has apologized. Multiple times.

      Look, I’m not defending abuse at all. Not in ANY way. But he is being held accountable. He pled guilty, accepted the terms of the plea deal, and is serving his sentence. What else is he supposed to do? Kill himself? Go live in a penal colony on the moon? For better or for worse, life goes on.

  • Trey

    Domestic violence is a terrible problem, yes, and it should never ever be swept under the rug.

    But, like it or not, Chris Brown is serving his sentence according to the law. It’s not just to villify him forever. He deserves his second chance now, as we all do.

  • roygbiv

    It just shows how short-term some peoples’ memories are. It was not that long ago and his behavior blowing up when anyone mentions it and punching out windows and going on rages shows he hasn’t changed or learned at all. You can all be sheeple and forgive him and just zone out and act like it never happened, but I will never support Chris Brown in any way. The attitude to just forget it is disgusting. If that was your sister, mother, or daughter- would you want to just forget it??!! NO! And I really hope the reports of Rihanna hooking up with him again are not true, because I am afraid it will end badly and she will get hurt again. Maybe if people stopped sticking their heads in the sand and actually stood up and said this is not okay, this wouldn’t be happening.

  • Steven

    I am a guy, and I just have to say that just because somebody makes a mistake, every time they try to do something positive to get on with their lives they should not be martyred for it. He made a horrible mistake and I agree he should have gotten more punishment than he did, but he is moving on with his life. This situation would be like everytime Tiger Woods played a round of golf, that the commentators should bring up the negatives of adultery, it just wouldn’t make sense. They are moving on with their life and are trying to be better than the past.

    • Hanna Brooks Olsen

      Tiger Woods didn’t beat his wife, did he?

    • Jeff

      Well said. I think Chris Brown’s past is still very much within the public consciousness. Most people know, and remember every time they see him, I don’t think a constant reminder is necessary, and I really don’t think public displays of anger and opposition are necessary. If people want to forgive Chris Brown, and enjoy his music, who is anyone to tell them they are wrong or worse perpetuating domestic violence in America. It seems sort of ridiculous.

  • Melissa

    The guy clearly hasn’t learned. He throws temper tantrums and acts like an entitled douchebag. It doesn’t matter that he did his community service because he clearly hasn’t learned from it or seeked the help he needs to manage his anger issues.

  • May1

    Chris Brown Dne A Massive Mistake … He Has Learnt from his mistake and has dne and is still serving his punishment ! . Riannah and Chris Have Both Moved On so its bout time people did aslwell ..it wont be forgottern but people should forgive him in fact Riannahs over that all that matters i think … You Caint Still Judge And Hold People Back Beacuse Of The Past Sumthink Nearly 3 Years Ago …Chris Brown Has Worked his Way Up To Earn This Grammy With All The Amazing Songs/Album He has Produced ! Give The Guy A Break …And Let Him Do His Job.. Well Done Chris Brown!

    • Gouthamsekar

      Hai

    • A

      Your entire comment is riddled with ignorance. First, stay in school. You should never miss a day since you clearly cannot afford to miss one second of education. Second, your lack of education or perhaps lack of parenting has clouded your judgement. Chris Brown is a pathetic narcissist who is worshipped by idiots like yourself. I hope, for the sake of our future, that you never reproduce. On second thought, go ahead because I will need someone to take my order at Burger King, sort through my trash, and work security for K-Mart. Have fun in the welfare line, sweetie!

  • Larry

    @Hanna , you’re so pathetic for this rubbish article on this young man (Chris brown). The problem with most of you pen pushers is that you always like to create a story where there is none. Let me start by clearing your mundane eyes. Millions of domestic abuse happen everyday throughout the whole world and if truely you people care that much you should have been visiting all the households in the world with the aim of reporting and taking legal action against domestic abuse. Secondly the boy in question already served his purnishment for his action and it is only fair not to use him as a scape goat for the magnitude of abuse and violence in many households. The fact here is some of you haters (CB fans name for his enemies) can’t understand the simple fact that he did not commit murder so he cannot be condemned like many of you wish!
    From your article, it is obvious you’re very close to what i can call a monster. Only a monster find it difficult to forgive and move on. It may surprise you that Chris Brown is a role model to all the people who are going through a difficult phase of their lives and think it’s over. He amazed me the way he defeated all the hate and gang up conspiracy against him from media, haters and narrowly focused people (those that fail to appreciate second opportunity in life). He is indeed a man
    ” There is no joy in never falling, but rising each time you fall” . Hanna sorry to say you and host of others are hypocrites; many old male and female artists today fall into category of what i can call habitual domestic offender. What about ordinary people who commit same offence? It is very interesting that the only man you want to hang is a 22 years old male who committed the said sin when he was 19. He is growing and moving on. I wish you people can concentrate on self short -comings may be domestic violence would be a thing of the past.
    It is very important that a lady must not assume she has every right to hit her man for whatever reason and a man too must avoid confrontations with his woman, this is the only solution to domestic violence and not conspiracy against a young man.

    • Sarah

      You act like he’s a defenseless little kid.

    • JD

      Huh. A couple of things here.

      First, congratulations on writing a response that is at least legible. That is a huge improvement over most of the other rebuttals.

      Second, and more importantly, I’m not really sure how, but you seem to have missed the entire point of the article. Completely. I’m not sure how, but you clearly seem to view this article as an attack on Chris Brown, not on domestic violence. As though the author has said, “All DV is okay, except for this one instance, because SCREW CHRIS BROWN, HE’S A DICK.” Interestingly, though, this article is pretty clearly about domestic violence, the institution, not one specific act of domestic violence by one specific individual.

      So. Because you didn’t get it the first time, let’s try again. See, I’ve BEEN to the houses of domestic violence victims. I’ve SEEN women balling in the corner, covered in bruises, and still refusing to budge from their story that they fell down the stairs or tripped into a doorway repeatedly. They’re afraid, because they know that after the abuser goes to jail, and after he pleads guilty, and after he does his ten days and two hundred hours of community service, he is going to be pissed as hell. Because most victims don’t have Rihanna’s financial solvency, and most abusers don’t have the sort of shame associated with the public spotlight pointed, however fleetingly, at Chris Brown.

      Because most domestic violence happens behind closed doors, in the privacy of what should be a loving home, where no one but the two participants can see it. Except, you know, for their kids, who grow up seeing that crap, and believing that that’s just what love looks like. And then they do the same damn thing themselves, and the cycle continues.

      Unless someone stands up and says that, maybe, shit like this SHOULDN’T be private. And THAT’S what this article was about: not how bad Chris Brown was, but the fact that this could have been an opportunity for someone to say exactly that, in a forum where the whole goddamned country could see and hear it.

      And no one said a thing.

  • Amy

    He’ll just beat the next one a little more privately.

  • phil

    Women stop provoking men… Your not tougher then men so stop acting like you are and like you are invincible. If your tougher then stand on the front lines of the army.. Stop lying about STD and all the nasty shit you have inside yourself and passing it to men then getting tested and acting like the man gave it to you!!!!!!!

    • Jeff

      Joke? Irony? Sarcasm? Or are you just the most ignorant and vile person alive?

  • Jason Roberts

    In my opinion Chris Brown did a very bad thing, which should be punished. He has been punished and now people are dragging him down on any positive thing he does. People should just accept he did it, and stop dragging him down. The incident was around 4 years ago. Stop increasing the tensions of the incident. I’m not supporting domestic abuse, but as Rihanna has forgave you guys should to.

  • Jeff

    I think you might be making a mountain out of a molehill here. What message does it send to openly and willingly condemn someone in public? Chris Brown is a young man, and he was an even younger man when he committed domestic abuse. Forgiveness and encouragement to grow and change are much better messages than forever opposing and hating someone. Domestic violence is no joke, and it also is not simply a man on woman offense either. Furthermore, the general public, Hollywood, etc. and their short memories for celebrities does not exist only in the realm of domestic abuse offenders, but basically in all aspects of personal issues illegal or otherwise. So you’re mad that Chris Brown doesn’t get booed. Do you boycott all Robert Downey Jr. films? In today’s world, fame is basically a license to do whatever one wants, and the problem is not Chris Brown, who actually is one of the few who seems to be bettering himself in light of his past transgressions. I think you’re barking up the wrong tree. When you find the right tree, that is, when you focus yourself on the more blatant issue, I’ll be ready jump on the cause with you.

  • phil

    Women stop provoking men… Your not tougher then men so stop acting like you are and like you are invincible. If your tougher then stand on the front lines of the army.. Stop lying about STD and all the nasty shit you have inside yourself and passing it to men then getting tested and acting like the man gave it to you!!!!!!!

    • Sarah

      I genuinely hope, for all women’s sakes, that no woman ever sleeps with you ever again.

  • Briana Rognlin

    My biggest problem isn’t Chris Brown—I don’t know anything about his private life or how remorseful he really is. My problem is that the media—and apparently a lot of the public—think that it’s ok to excuse it and act like nothing ever happened.

    Yes, people DO need to pay for crimes and past mistakes, sometimes for a long time. That’s part of how societies ensure that people learn not to commit the crimes in the first place. Just because he’s young or famous doesn’t mean he should be exempt. Celebrating him and telling everyone to just forget what he did or the fact that he has never really apologized for it just sends the message that domestic violence isn’t that serious.

    Giving him a quick slap on the wrist and then talking about how great he is and how bad we feel for him just sends the message that beating up women is not that serious of a crime. If this is what we’re telling our kids, vis a vis pop culture, then how are we supposed to fight Domestic Violence?

    • Sarah

      This. Yes.

  • Me

    seriously – he was a boy he made a mistake. the person that he hurt has forgiving him. She wishes the best for him. So what should he suffer for the rest on his life. BC he screwed up. What he did was wrong, he did what he was supposed to do. Like you have never done anything wrong.

    • Tori

      Wearing mismatched socks is a mistake. Leaving an oatmeal-encrusted dish in the sink is a screwup. Beating a fellow human being—and one you have professed to care deeply about—within an inch of her life is a felony.

  • roger

    The guy was arrested, charged, and convicted of domestic abuse. He paid his debt to society, or is still in the process, (counseling & probation). What more do you want? Do you want to see him homeless and broke living on the street corner while people walk by and spit on him?

  • Max

    He did a terrible, terrible thing. A lot of people do terrible, terrible things. Yet we’re really not so different by condemning these people forever, are we? If you ask me to describe an equal injustice to the lack of attention being paid to the millions of domestic abuse cases, it would be the lack of attention being paid to the millions of inmates shoved into our ever-growing prison industrial complex. Our society thinks it’s okay to condemn, hate and sweep people’s lives under the rug, as long as it’s just those “bad” people, the ones who’ve made supposedly irredeemable mistakes, but the truth is that it’s never okay to do this to anyone. Your hatred for “abusers” (this sort of language facilitates hate, so don’t pretend you don’t hate him) like Chris Brown is exactly the same hatred he harbors against those who make him feel emasculated, because hatred is all the same thing. Everyone is a good person, we all screw up, sometimes terribly, and although it’s only natural to harbor disdain for certain individuals whose mistakes are particularly deplorable, resentment and vengefulness ought not to get the better of us, even when it feels so good and empowering.

  • Sarah

    HEY YOU GUYS THIS IS THE PROBLEM WITH YOUR STUPID CANONIZATION OF C. BROWN:
    http://www.buzzfeed.com/mjs538/horrible-reactions-to-chris-brown-at-the-grammys

  • S

    Yes, people can change. Yes, people can make mistakes, recognize they have serious issues and deal with them. People can be truly reticent and change their lives.

    Chris Brown was never that sorry. He was more upset that his career was being affected by what he did than being upset over what he did – which was, by the way, beating up his girlfriend. The tone of reaction from the “haters” would be a lot different if Chris Brown was actually trying to deal with himself and his demons, which publicly, there is no evidence of. Instead we get violent twitter rants about how nobody will play his songs anymore, punching windows, etc.

    He’s a person who has anger issues and needs some help. This isn’t a “boys will be boys” situation. From where I’m standing, he isn’t that sorry for what he did, and THAT is why I don’t buy into the “let the boy move on” argument. Or the endorsement of his material by the academy.

    • Daisy

      I completely agree with you. It was an awful thing that happened but we shouldn’t crucify him for it. People make big mistakes, I know I do.

  • Narissa Johnson

    What upsets me is the role the Grammy’s played in making this ok. And specifically Exec. Producer Ken Ehlich’s role in it.

    I have an open letter to him here: https://narissa.wordpress.com/2012/02/13/letter-ken-ehrlich-grammys/

  • Kevin Lockhart

    I must comment. I was a Domestic Violence counselor for over 5yrs and I have seen first hand the devastation it can do upon the victim and the family. And when I say I have seen the worst, that means I have seen the death of victims and offenders.

    The biggest problem with an individual who resorts to domestic violence is getting them to acknowledge they have a problem. In the instances where we were able to get the perpetrator to recognize they have an issue, we were able to break the cycle of violence and in most instances the individual did not return to that same pattern.

    How sorry Chris Brown is or is not, is not the issue! Getting him to acknowledge that he has a problem and take the right steps to address it is phenominal! The likelihood that he will return to this abusive pattern statistically is almost zero.

    The problem is individuals who don’t believe they have an abuse problem. And also individuals will not allow someone who has broken the abuse cycle to ever live it down. Without help it is impossible to break the abuse cycle, but once an individual engages the process everything is possible.

  • Muffy

    Get a damn life! The article is so ridiculous it’s hilarious. Why are you people so obsessed with this boy? It’s pathetic.

  • Parks 2012

    So blindly it’s mentioned that she had to share the stage with someone that she has been in contact with after the assault. She communicates with Chris Brown and his mom on twitter , as recently as this year. She’s also cursed her fans out for questioning her for contacting him on twitter. She asked to have the lengthy distance order removed or reduced. It is some of the public, not Rihanna who did not want them in the same room.

    As for Chris Brown, what is the proper time for forgiveness and acceptance. After the victim, the true victim Rihanna has shown forgiveness and encouraged acceptance how long do we or the Grammys have to wait to buy a Chris Brown song we like or have him perform. Is four years enough or seven? Should we wait until he’s 30 years old?

    How can we measure his amount of responsibility for his actions on February 2009? Are we waiting for him to break down and cry on stage again? Would we prefer that he self medicates with cocaine to distract himself from the guilt? If he attempts suicide would we say “he finally understands what he did was wrong?” or are we just going to say, “how selfish, he can’t deal with some verbal attacks, the coward?”

    Because he’s inarticulate in interviews he doesn’t own up to what he’s done? He’s never spoken of the fight inside the car where she herself admitted to attacking him to a point where they both could’ve crashed? He takes all the blame for what he’s done. He pleaded guilty. He accepted his sentence. He’s sung of his mistake, he’s pleaded with the public, his fans and her all the ways he could have. He knows what he did is wrong, he was a child abuse victim no more then 6 years removed from his own abuse. His mother would be abused for not having the right meal prepared and he urinated on himself until he was an older child. He spoke on that long before he became the assaulter.

    I think some of you may not live in our world, the real world. I think you’ve never experienced or even witnessed first hand abuse, of any kind outside of kids of the same sex fighting in school. You’ve never attended an anger management class. You’ve never been told how much you will burn in hell or deserve to die because of a horrible night that happened when you were 19 years old. Chris Brown has long been involved with volunteering and charities. The only thing that was mandated was probation and classes.

    Like the Grammy’s, Chris Brown actually supports music and education as well. He also supports developmental disabilities organization. I’ve long read about his contributions to Best Buddies. Even his fans complete charity walks on behalf of his organization. The same fans who shall get bashed for “enabling him” , because media now teaches us to blame them when it comes to domestic violence as well. Teens, young kids…but you guys are talking about messages sent out to women and children?

    What message does media give by exploiting domestic violence through Chris Brown and Rihanna. What agenda do news outlets serve by casting him out as the symbol for all things immoral and her the poster child for abuse victim?
    He’s not a repeat offender. When criminal cases come out against celebs every person in their past comes out with a story of what that person did to them and that did not happen. It was an isolated criminal act and he was sentenced not by the Grammys but by the court of law.

    The message it sends is that if you do something horrible if you can admit to it, face the consequences ,(take the online and in person death wishes..or maybe that’s only for Chris Brown), and try hard to promote positivity, fun, and stay faith based then you can overcome the odds against you.

    Having Chris Brown on stage is not about patting him on his back for being cruel one night in the past (one night that could have ended worse, but didn’t so let’s not charge people on hypotheticals). If he repeats his violent behavior on other people, if he continues to live in it, celebrate, and encourage it then I’d understand the constant outcry against his appearances. Having him onstage is a message of redemption, resilience, and perseverance.

    He’s been publicly bashed lots, any woman and child can see that. Every news outlet in the world said how inhumane they felt he was/is. Is that the proper message to cast off a person before they’re barely old enough to vote when the only true victim requests and encourages his forgiveness, fame and fortune? Let’s teach kids to condemn people on behalf of people who don’t want the condemning to happen?

    You know Jay Z stabbed a man and received no charges aside from 2-3 years probation? Chris Brown received 5 years probation. We’ll never know what happened that night with him and Rihanna. All we know is that he has been judged by the law and the Lord (whether you personally believe in a deity or not).
    He has done much to prove he’s a changed man. No he has not become a saint, I don’t know any saints myself personally. He was charged for assault and he hasn’t assaulted anyone since February 2009.

    He has done much to prove he’s a changed man. No he has not become a saint, I don’t know any saints myself personally. He was charged for assault and he hasn’t assaulted anyone since February 2009. That was the only change required of him. GMA did not end in violence against another person, his strength not intent caused damage, but no one was hurt. To you that’s not good enough. To the law and the psych world, it’s honestly progressive. Maybe one day Chris Brown can make you happy, and you can forgive and accept him. Until then….well at least Rihanna does. You might remember it was her that he hurt.

  • damien

    The largest group supporting abusive men is women, they keep going back for more, so if it’s ok with women i don’t know why we should be upset

    • JD

      Interesting you say this. First, your belief that, apparently, “women” as a gender had some sort of group meeting and decided that they would collectively “support” abusive men speaks to a profound misunderstanding of the way that the abuse cycle perpetuates. Yes, most victims are repeatedly abused, many times over years or decades. Yes, many abused women find themselves in multiple abusive relationships. Yes, much abuse goes unreported, because women just don’t say anything about it.

      Funny thing, though: there’s a lot of domestic abuse against MEN, too. They just don’t call the cops very often, because of the social stigma that they “got beat up by a girl.”

      Oh, and another funny thing: see, it’s not the physical abuse that keeps the victims around. That’d be pretty nuts, after all: if, out of the blue, a woman’s boyfriend just hauled off and put a boot to her head because she burned the roast, and she just shrugged and said, “Oh, he made a mistake. I’m sure he’ll be fine.”

      Abuse is a PATTERN. It’s not a single, isolated act. True, the physical abuse is the most visible. Also true, it can be the most dangerous, because it usually grows worse over time. But it’s not the most DAMAGING. It’s the emotional abuse, the psychological scarring, that goes along with, and invariably predates, the physical component that truly does the damage. It’s the psychological battery, which usually starts very, very subtly, that slowly erodes a victim’s confidence in herself. That gradually isolates her from her support network of friends and family.

      That eventually leaves her in a situation in which she is convinced that she has no option BUT to “just sit there and take it.”

      You know what happens when a guy spontaneously hits a girl? When he just gets “carried away” and “makes a mistake,” without ANY precursor abuse? The woman calls the cops. Depending on the girl, she might hit him with a baseball bat first, but that’s really beside the point. And then the cops come, and the guy gets dragged away while the girl yells at him and throws his shit into the yard.

      You know what happens when a guy hits a girl, after spending years breaking down her self esteem and confidence, and isolating her from her ability to financially care for herself, and working to ensure that she is absolutely dependent on him for effectively everything in her life? Nothing. Not a goddamn thing, because he’s trained her to “just take it.”

      And that behavior, that, usually subconscious, mastery of emotional manipulation, is learned behavior. People don’t just spontaneously do that. They do it because they think it’s normal, and it’s okay, and it’s just the way some relationships are.

      And they only get to think that because society, even now, even in twenty freaking twelve, STILL doesn’t tell them that it’s not normal, and it’s not the way ANY relationships should be, and it’s for DAMN sure not okay.

  • Sunlight

    Talent is talent. You can hate what he did, but that doesn’t make him any less talented. His criminal record isn’t selling his records. His talent is. If careers were based on moral traits neither Arnold S., Charlie Sheen, David Hasselhoff, or Tyger Woods would have a career… period. But I hear no one complaining about any of them. Most with up coming projects that will pull in money and fans. Why? Because being good at what you do isn’t based on morality it’s based on ability. Hate if you want, but all they have to do is keep winning. You can’t celebrate 2nd place.

    • Sarah

      “His criminal record isn’t selling his records. His talent is.” Well, that and an entire marketing department.

  • XT

    An individual can commit a crime, be adjudicated and punished, meet all the conditions of probation/parole, be discharged…that isn’t what Ms. Olsen is commenting on. This is about the culture of domestic violence, where “isolated incidents” are the exception rather than the rule, and where the battered is held to be as much or more responsible for the incident than the batterer. Many batterers “groom” their victims for “acceptance” before ever striking a blow, and creating a relationship dynamic where the battered person, who stands there with serious physical injury, says “well, it was my fault, I didn’t do things right.”

    Research shows that it takes an average of seven attempts for a battered person to leave an abusive relationship, and the most dangerous time for a person is when they leave that relationship.

    An earlier comment mentioned the lack of women in combat roles. That is not a woman’s choice, that is the policy of a military who knows men better than any single organization possibly can, and speaks more to the conduct of men than the conduct of women.

    Like another earlier comment, I have seen the immediate aftermath of extreme violence in intimate relationships, including several that have been murder-suicides, or a suicide only simply because the shooter missed the intended victim before self-inflicting. This dynamic is what Ms. Olsen is speaking to, not one immensely funny man who is one of many batterers.

    Oh, and someone mentioned Tiger Woods…his wife should have been arrested for her assault on him. Regardless of his conduct within and without his marriage, she beat him pretty badly. No arrest was made because of the culture that says that a man can’t be abused.

  • Rodel

    I will start by saying not only was my mom abused but also my aunt was abused and through their abuse so was I, my brothers ,my sister and my cousins also were abused and left with scars some hidden and unseen even to the abused. What bothers me about articles like this one and various other like it is that. It’s one thing when it’s a family member we know it’s been going on for years but we turn our back on it. We watch the person knowingly get murdered mentally and sometimes physically. Their abuser may go to jail and they may serve their time when they get out and its over (hopefully). We often times never hear from this bad man (or woman) again. This figure I would imagine get a job he may even get a family or a wife maybe he even changes and it never happens he ultimately gets a second chance. Whether her family and friends forgive this individual he gets a second chance. As an abused person so often I thought this was unfair a second chance they don’t deserve such a thing. They are bad. I had to come to grips with the fact that we all deserve second chances for many of the mistakes that we make in life even if we f’ it up. All these individuals want Chris Brown mind you a young man to pay for the crimes of all abusers they want him to be a scapegoat to all the wrong done to women. They are wrong. Yes what he did was wrong and regardless of our feeling about how we think he should have been punished he was punished. That is why we call it an impartial judgment. If it were left to many of you he’d be burned at the stake and dumped in a hole somewhere. His job unlike many abusers is right smack dab in front of the public. That is HIS job. He deserves to make an income. If he f’s up again as so many abuser do go for it call out the war horses to drag him down. Until than shut up and let him have his second chance. You don’t like it fine don’t watch and don’t listen and don’t buy don’t support. It is not right or fair to not offer him a second chance because I am sure you messed up in life. You were given a second chance. This is his. Get over it. If he were an engineer or a cashier and eventually got a job no one would care. It only cause he is famous that people are up in arms.

  • Ala

    He is doing the most to change his life, onef fucking mistake and you people still can’t get over it, three years ago last week that happened, that is his own personal demon to work with. You people are fucking annoying, damn. When it’s another celebrity who does wrong you pat him on the back when he changes his ways. The media has to much say, I think celebrites should do something were if you want to write about them you get charged maybe that would shut half of you the fuck up!

  • Ala

    When referring Browm isn’t the only one who beat some ass, Hugh Hefner’s son was just arrested on beating a women, throw his fucking picture up there!

    • Sam

      He hasnt gotten away with it yet. When he performs at the Grammys, then he can have his turn.