It’s funny how the more most restaurants and food-makers try to cut back on unhealthy ingredients or items, a few contrarian companies insist on rolling out fast-food grosser and more fattening than ever before. The latest restaurant to say f**k you to the zeitgeist is Taco Bell, which next month will begin offering Doritos-shell tacos.
Let’s just repeat that: Doritos shell tacos! Because nothing goes with beef filler and salmonella like processed cheese dust?
The new tacos are actually only one part of a major menu overhaul Taco Bell is launching to celebrate its 50th anniversary. In an article that reads like a Frito-Lay press release, USA Today brags about being “the first media brought inside” Taco Bell’s secret test kitchen to see the new products:
… including a Chiptole-like Cantina Bell platform; a new breakfast roll-out; a new slogan and brand campaign; and one ultra-simple but culturally cool concept that could finally revive the brand: a line of Doritos Locos Tacos with shells made entirely from — you guessed it — Doritos.
Get ready to rock, Doritos-heads. You’ll soon be able to turn your tongue, fingers and hoodie strings orange by eating at Taco Bell.
Since when are Doritos “culturally cool?” Or being covered in powdered cheese product a desirable component of a meal?
It’s all a bit puzzling—but apparently I’m the target demographic. The national rollout for Doritos Locos Tacos (slogan: ’Taco Bell on the inside and Doritos on the outside’) is March 8, and the company’s new products guru, Lynn Dornblaser, said they’re aimed at 18 to 34 year olds.
I really don’t fault the company for trying—they’ve had a bad year, in a year that, overall, hasn’t been great for fast food companies. The Doritos tacos actually smack of desperation even more than the dawn of the Taco Bell-KFC-Pizza Hut combos did. Dare we hope this is the Taco Bell death knell?
Pshht. Who am I kidding? For some reason, the fatter and unhealthier Americans get—and the more leaders, media, etc. focus on healthy eating—the more some people seem to think it’s cool and rebellious and awesome to eat the crappiest crap possible. Of course there are fast food chains, restaurants and brands willing to oblige them.
I expect to see Oreo-crusted sliders and french-fried Cheetos soon.
Photo: USA Today