Beyonce and Jay-Z really love their new baby, Blue Ivy Carter. But what Beyonce does not love, apparently, is her baby weight. But, unlike many new moms who may feel uncomfortable with their post-pregnancy shape, Beyonce isn’t content to just join Curves and occasionally skip dessert. No, for the reigning Queen of Being Better Than Everyone Else at Everything, only four hours of exercise and a highly restrictive diet will do. Oh, and she moved her personal trainer in to live with her.
How quickly does Beyonce want to lose 40 pounds? Oh, by the end of March. Which is a little less than 3 months after the baby was born.
Yup. While most parents of infants would relish the ability to, you know, sleep past the wee hours of the morning, Lady B is waking up to the face of Marco Borges for the first of two two-hour long workouts, which she undergoes each day. Beyonce is also opting out on any and all comfort food, and existing on protein shakes and ice water.
Conventional wisdom (or at least, the wisdom of mommy blogs) holds that, for many women, getting back to pre-pregnancy weight can take a long, long time–the often-repeated expression is “nine months on, nine months off.” But not for Beyonce! She needs just one month, because she has superior genes and a live-in personal trainer, and, ostensibly, a team of nannies who will ensure that B gets to sleep promptly at 9 p.m. (except she does not, as she and Jay have been spotted out and about several times, baby-free, well into the wee hours), so that she can make her 5 o’clock wake-up call.
Beyonce has always been someone who holds the rest of us up to impossible standards–we need only look at her crazy-awesome career that started when she was a teen, her amazing taste, her ability to dance while pregnant, and her impressive weight loss for Dreamgirls to be reminded of all the ways that B is better than we are–but this is too much.
The pressure to lose baby weight weighs heavily on new moms–which is crazy, because you just brought new life into this world and now have a child to raise, and perhaps, as a result, you should get a pass on crappy body negativity for, say, just a few months. You probably deserve that.
But no. The Beyonces of this world will make damn sure that you know that while yes, you now have a tiny human perpetually attached to your bossom, what’s really important is dropping the weight and looking fierce.