There is an episode of 30 Rock wherein Liz Lemon, who notoriously likes crap food, describes (sings about, actually) a Cheesy Blaster, which is when you “take a hot dog, stuff it with some jack cheese, [and] fold it in a pizza.” It is meant to be a ridiculously unhealthy, outrageous meal item. Except it is basically an actual food product (minus the cheese, add a “mustard drizzle”) in the UK, where hot dogs have now become a pizza crust filling. It is a hot dog stuffed pizza crust, and it is real.
This is almost a little too much like Almost Pizza, the “commercial” on last week’s Saturday Night Live. But, thanks to the good folks over at Grist who pointing out this awesomely bad shame-food, we know that it is, in fact, real. But mercifully, it hasn’t migrated stateside yet (though, in a country where we eat “First Meal” and bacon milkshakes, I feel that is is probably a matter of time). Here is the actual description of it:
Succulent hot dog sausage bursting from our famous stuffed crust, with a FREE Mustard Drizzle (14″ Large only)
Yes. Large only. You aren’t allowed to have a medium-sized pizza with a hot dog in the crust.
I wanted to know more about this fast-food monstrosity, though, unfortunately, PizzaHut.co.uk buries their nutritional information deep, deep within the pages of their site, which made it difficult. Additionally–and this is the case with a lot of specialty menu items at fast food restaurants–because the hot dog-stuffed pizza crust is relatively new and probably (hopefully?) not becoming a menu staple, it isn’t listed.
However, we can garner the following guestimate about how many calories a single slice of this pie will run you. A slice of large, stuffed crust pizza is about 250 calories, with about 10 grams of fat. A hot dog is about 130 calories with–are you ready for this?–12 grams of fat. From the size of a slice, a pizza crust can house about a full hot dog and 1/3, resulting in a pizza of around 380 calories and a mammoth 22 grams of fat. Add in the “mustard drizzle” (naturally), which, if it were just mustard, might not be so bad, but is inevitably full of butter or other fillers, and you’ve got a ludicrous food item that no human should ever put in their mouth.
However, the Britons at the overseas Pizza Hut aren’t all evil–on their site there is an infintesimal note which reads that they will “happily make your pizza with half the cheese. Simply Ask.” How benevolent.
Image: Pizza Hut