• Mon, Jul 2 2012

True Story: The Time A Condom Got Lost Behind My Uterus

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Let me first start by saying that I know you are skeptical. I would be skeptical, too, if this were not an actual true story of a thing that happened to me which I later asked an OB/GYN about and had medically confirmed. So if you can kindly suspend disbelief, I will tell you a true story about the time a condom got lost in my own body. Behind my uterus, to be exact.

But first, let’s rewind. Let’s think about how the first thing you ever learned about your vagina was that nothing would get lost in there. When you were a nervous teen and your mom/trusted adult was on the other side of the bathroom stall in the pool locker room, reassuring you that no, the tampon could no go wandering up into your abdomen and get you pregnant (somehow? maybe?). Because that’s what everyone always tells you: Nothing can get lost.

Except it can. In the course of responsible, consensual, adult, heterosexual, protected frisky time, the condom you and your partner are (wisely) using may manage to slip away and get jammed up behind your tilted uterus–which I later found out is not only a thing, but a thing which I have.

We noticed that the condom was lost because, after everything was over, it was nowhere to be found. Not in the sheets. Not on the floor. It didn’t break. None of the pets seemed to have snuck in and gotten it. It was just missing.

And let me just say: A missing condom is a terrifying condom.

This isn’t a “he didn’t put it on” situation. He did. I saw it. Without a doubt, it existed, so my partner and I spent a good amount of time hunting the house to find it. But as he shook out the sheets and looked around the perimeter of the bed, I began to suspect that it may just be up there, somewhere, rubbernecking with my organs. But how far could it have gone?

The answer, I found out after assuming a number of embarrassing positions on my bathroom floor and trying my hardest to will the thing out of me, was “pretty damn far.” Eventually, a finger grazed something that felt unnatural and, with a bit of dexterity, I was able to wrap it around my finger, and out it came.

I took some Plan B. I moved on with my life. I was mortified. But, being of scientific mind, I was also intrigued. So, when I got the opportunity to ask an actual vagina-specializing doctor about it, I did.

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  • Erica

    Wow! Thank you for sharing this! At first I was shocked when I read the title but it does make sense that it is possible. I can’t imagine how terrifying it would be to not know where it disappeared to!

    http://www.EricaDHouse.com

  • Briana Rognlin

    Yeah…this story sounds almost fake, but the diagrams and explanation makes it a lot clearer…even if it’s still terrifying!

  • Jenni

    I’ve had a friend tell me about a sex story where her boyfriend and her decided to get busy in their car, and only after the fact did she remember that she had been wearing a tampon. How she forgot, and how they didn’t realize, I don’t know, but she went through the exact same thing, except trying to find a tampon shoved up in her somewhere.

    Also, my mom had a tilted uterus, so I grew up knowing about them. As a side note, it can make it more difficult for you to get pregnant, and can limit a fetus’ growth (not as much room for the uterus to expand, at least in my mom’s case).

  • Fabel

    Whoa, based on this thorough description, I think I may have this? My gyno has never said anything, but based on my own, um, exploration & testimonies of a few lovers, I know that there is like, a pocket of room back there beyond my cervix. Is this a thing most doctors would mention?

  • Jesse

    wow. According to that diagram, you are going to get really constipated while pregnant!

  • Gidwomen

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  • Jamay Can

    This is something to which I can relate. On two occasions ,in seperate realtionships, I discovered that this was actually possible (after the age of 30 I thought I had seen,done and knew all), and that the gynae/ob’s explanation sounds perfectly correct and anatomically logical.

    The tilted uterus must what be what we call a “low womb or cervix” in some circles….something which both my relationship partners admitted to having

  • L

    Yup I had this happen once! I think it fell out sometime the next day. Hope I don’t have a tilted uterus :(