Olympian and giant man Michael Phelps told US Weekly that he would consider following in Hope Solo and Apolo Ohno‘s footsteps by doing a season on Dancing With The Stars. And while I’ve never really watched the show with that much interest before, an appearance from Phelps could definitely, definitely get me to tune it. For several reasons.
Here’s what Phelps told Us Weekly:
“I haven’t really been known for my dancing. I know everyone who’s done it — I’ve talked to Apolo and Natalie about it, and they said they’ve enjoyed it and had a blast…I won’t say I’m ruling anything out, who knows?”
Not ruling anything out! That’s practically a signature on a contract for at least eight seasons of the show! Naturally, I’m prematurely excited. Because, again, I’m not real big on reality TV. I don’t watch any of those people-doing-things-and-then-other-people-vote-on-them shows. But really, if Michael Phelps were to actually consider DWTS, I would definitely watch it. Think about it:
–He is very long. Watching a man with such an outrageously long wingspan do twirls with a partner would be physiologically fascinating. In a perfect world, I’d like to see him holding a Teen Mom seven feet in the air like Baby in Dirty Dancing.
–He makes hilarious faces. Have you watched him right after he finishes a race? His face is amazing. Sometimes it looks like his eyeballs are about to secede from his head and leap into the pool and swim away.
–Debbie Phelps. Mama Phelps is really great at a couple of things (that I know of): Accessories, cheering for her son, and looking a little bit like Elizabeth Taylor. All of these would make me want to watch DWTS.
–It will keep him busy. In his Us Weekly interview, Phelps noted that he was looking forward to “just not having anything to do.” Unfortunately, from his past, we know that bored Phelps is bong-toking, getting “fat” Phelps. So, maybe this would help keep some stuff on his schedule, other than gazing at his medals.
–Costumes. Don’t you want to see Michael Phelps in something other than a Speedo or that weird, oversized track suit? I sure do.
What do you think? Do you want to watch this giant of a man spin around with a tiny starlet or C-list singer? Don’t you want to watch him dip a woman to the floor without even having to bend over while wearing sequins? Are you not an American?
Of course you do/are. Unless you aren’t. In which case, sorry.