Oh, good. I was beginning to worry that America was getting too healthy, but Cinnabon has stepped in to do their civic duty to keep us all obese. The food court staple has decided to expand their product line with…are you ready for this? Pizza. It’s called a Pizzabon, and it is exactly what it sounds like. Kind of.
According to the Atlanta Journal-Constitution, who first announced the story, the Pizzabon isn’t available everywhere yet–it’s still in its testing phase. But then, that’s what Burger King said about their bacon sundae, and that pretty quickly spread nationally. So there’s a good chance that you, too, could be piling a mountain of dough, cheese, sauce, and grease into your maw in the very near future.
And indeed it is a pile of grease and cheese and dough. Eyewitness accounts, like this sampling of the Pizzabon by the intrepid reporters at Serious Eats, described the monstrosity as made with the same dough as Cinnabon’s cinnamon rolls, but, mercifully, without the cinnamon on sugar.
Instead, the thing was “oozing” with the mess that comes when pepperoni and cheese is squished together, then left under heat lamps for possibly hours at a time. It was, in the end, not exactly a winner. From that review:
For me, the real problem with the Pizzabon is…I never DIDN’T go to Cinnabon because they didn’t offer a savory snack version that tasted like a pizza. I’d never get a Pizzabon AND a Cinnabon together (just typing that made me bloated and sleepy)… and I certainly wouldn’t do the walk of shame up to a Cinnabon without getting the syrupy-sweet version (because I’m a weak, weak man)… so I’m not sure when or why I would seek out a Pizzabon again.
Seems fair enough. So maybe the Pizzabon won’t catch on nationally?
And if it never does, like most testing and promotional-level foods, consumers won’t be able to acquire clear caloric or other nutritional information. Though a spokesperson for the company swears it’s “worth every calorie,” so maybe it’s not that bad. She is also probably kind of biased, since she is the spokesperson for Cinnabon.
We can piece together a few things about it, though. For example, the Pizzabon’s construction doesn’t sound entirely unfamiliar. It actually seems to basically be a cheesier, meatier version of a savory pastry that we used to serve when I was a barista at a Seattle-based coffee shop chain, which I will not name.
It was called a Pesto Pan Tomate (fancy!), and, according to MyFitnessPal, it only had 181 calories (and 333 mg of sodium). But, because of the added cheese, pepperoni, and general size of the Pizzabon, I assume it’s probably substantially more dietarily detrimental than that. After all, a regular Cinnabon has 730 calories.
Depending on the success of the Pizzabon at the test stores in the Atlanta area, this $2.99 gut bomb may be showing up in a food court near you. Because, you know, the one thing food courts have been lacking is pizza products/things that ostensibly contain a full day’s worth of saturated fat.
Image courtesy of Cinnabon, via the Atlanta Journal-Constitution