• Wed, Nov 28 2012

Cadbury’s Scary New Chocolate Doesn’t Melt (Even Scarier Is Who It’s Marketed To)

cadbury doesn't meltCadbury has invented a chocolate that doesn’t melt. Isn’t that just what you’ve been waiting for? Wait…me neither. Especially considering that a chocolate that doesn’t melt sounds suspiciously like it’s full of gross, non-melty chemicals. Even weirder/sadder/more problematic? The company intends to market this new basically-armored candy to people in “less economically-developed countries.”

What was wrong with regular old melty chocolate? It’s always worked for me. Hell, sometimes you actually specifically want a slightly-melted chocolate bar! I have many fond childhood memories of chowing down on a soft Hershey’s bar.

Anyway, Cadbury tested its new chocolate against its traditional Dairy Milk bar and found that in an incubator heated to 104 degrees Farenheit, the new chocolate was still solid. According to Cadbury:

“If pressed with a finger, it does not stick nor has the consistency of a molten product.”

News got out about this daring new confection when Cadbury applied for a patent. It’s really, really hard to understand the language in the patent application, especially to try and figure out what the actual ingredients are in this new “temperature-tolerant” (as Cadbury calls it) chocolate. (A choice quote from the application: “Chocolate crumb would be familiar to the skilled man and a number of processes are available for it’s manufacture.” Say WHAAA??) Apparently the heat resistance is conferred during the refining of the chocolate, something to do with breaking the sugar particles down into smaller pieces. Admittedly, that doesn’t sound TOO terrible, but it can’t only be me who thinks chocolate that doesn’t melt sounds weird and just plain unnatural.

The LA Times says that “children’s pockets are safer” now that this chocolate has been invented…but what about children’s bodies? I wonder if there’s been any testing done on the specific chemical process Cadbury has invented. Are we sure it’s safe to eat? Cadbury’s Dairy Milk doesn’t have high fructose corn syrup, thank goodness, but messing around with sugar molecules doesn’t exactly make me believe everything is hunky dory about this product.

Regardless of the actual product itself, there’s a second problem with this whole STRONGEST CHOCOLATE EVER deal. Namely, that Cadbury intends to sell the bar in, and I quote:

“hot climates, particularly in less economically developed countries where the supply chain is ill-equipped to handle significant temperature / humidity fluctuations and where product quality is compromised.”

Translation: to poor people in poor countries where they have hot weather! Cool! Let’s make an unhealthy food (as all chocolate essentially is, no matter how it’s processed or how many studies come out that say a piece of chocolate a day is good for you) specifically to sell in underdeveloped, economically-depressed countries! Red flag, red flag, red flag.

Just as I’d avoid chocolate made with half the fat or chocolate made specifically for women, I think I’m going to stick with regular old, as-unprocessed-as-possible chocolate, thanks.

Would you eat this candy? Are you as concerned by Cadbury’s direct-to-hot-climate marketing plan as I am?

Photo: Cadbury.com.au

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