Let’s All Celebrate Our Poor Life Decisions! (And How Far We’ve Come)

poor life decisions

The other night, I posted a Facebook status saying “Let’s all celebrate our poor life decisions! Here’s mine: “In college (circa 2006) I would come home really drunk and stay up until 5 am reading Wikipedia entries of famous Nazis and chain smoking indoors while using a mug as an ashtray. Now you go.” And the responses came pouring in, hilariousness ranging from the substance-induced to the just-plain-dumb-because-you’re young kind of stuff.

(Clarification: I was interested in Nazis because I minored in Jewish Studies and have a longstanding interest in the Holocaust. Morbid, I know. And p.s. I don’t smoke anymore. )

For your humpday laugh-and-cringe-a-thon, here are a few of the responses I got (published with permission, of course).

“My junior year in college, when I had to rush to class and didn’t have time to brush my teeth, I would take a swig of peppermint schnapps and run out the door!”

 

“I dated a guy off campus and would come back to my dorm way too late to get a close parking spot, so I’d have to walk like a mile. I took the best-lit short cut — ON THE TRAIN TRACKS — while listening to my CD player.”

 

“[I lost] years of my life to an internet crush/eLationship. When he finally visited me, he shared with me plans to propose to his girlfriend, proceeded to spend the next year describing “strange dreams” he had about me. Cannot even say I got to cut ties with him as we just stopped talking. Oh, it eats me alive!”

 

“3 words–vodka chugging contests.”

 

“Getting drunk, sleeping at a frat house and then having to call the safe ride for a ride back to my dorm because I only had heels on, and they sent an ENTIRE EMPTY UNIVERSITY BUS to pick JUST ME up. I was wearing a slutty shirt and no coat and it was February. Most awkward bus ride ever?”

 

“Eating a live cicada for $20 and thinking it didn’t taste THAT bad.”

 

Are you laughing (and shaking your head out of disbelief) as much as I was? As funny and ridiculous as these anecdotes are, it’s good to share them. Looking back at these kinds of terrible/humorous stories can make you feel pretty great about how far you’ve come from your misbegotten youth (or, you know, last week. We’re not judging!)

Ok! Now it’s your turn. In the name of hilarious confessionalism, tell us all your poor life decisions, whether they’re health and wellness related or not!

Photo via 600 Block

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    • sabrakadabra

      at about 23, a friend was dating a guy in a band; all band members lived together in a fantastic hippie house & we hung out & parties there frequently. after a particularly long evening of bar-hopping/after partying, i woke up on the couch in the living room. a traveling band that had crashed there for the night were loading up & hitting the road. as they carried their instruments out & said goodbye, i noticed them looking at me strangely… when they were out the door (everyone else was still asleep) i staggered to the bathroom & discovered what drew the strange looks from the strangers in the band… i was wearing a pair of men’s elastic-waist, mesh basketball shorts… as a tube top!! i was wiggled through one of the leg holes & waist as a shirt & sacking zzzs & having a drool-fest on the couch as the band hit the road… i wonder if they ever came through las cruces again…?

    • Candace

      In college I got dumped twice by a guy with a giant tattoo of Popeye on his arm. Our first date? Watching the Robin Williams Popeye movie. He was an asshole AND a weirdo.

    • Sabrina

      In college, my girlfriends and I lived in a split level house. Our downstairs neighbors were cooking meth and let a homeless man move into our utility room. Also, there were rats. We didn’t really question it… we also had a puke bowl on both the front and back porch all year, never dumped it out. It was just there for anyone who needed it and in the winter, the puke froze in it. We didn’t throw it away until we moved out. Same house.

    • Katie

      Oh man.

      1. Getting drunk and lying in the middle of the Main Street in downtown Abilene TX with my best friend, watching the stoplights because “Lets be in ‘The Notebook’!” sounded great.
      2. Buying Route 44s at Sonic and dumping out half and filling it back up with whiskey than driving into the middle of nowhere and putting .25 cents into a truck washing pump and getting gallons of high-pressure water dumped on you.
      …so many more.