The recent scandals surrounding Monster energy drinks and Four Loko’s (formerly) alcoholic energy drink, paired with research proving that caffeinated sugar bombs like Rockstar and 5 Hour Energy are bad for you had us hoping that the trend in artificially caffeinated-everything might soon be dead. No such luck. Wired Wyatt’s new caffeinated maple syrup takes the trend to new foods, and they seem to be marketing towards new demographics, too: Foodies and hipsters. Because they’re already putting bacon in everything, so why not add some powdered caffeine?!
Wired Wyatt’s caffeinated syrup has already been featured on hip deal sites like Fab.com, and the company also makes “wired waffles” that have gotten the stamp of approval from “cool” newsletters like Urban Daddy. They emphasizes that their products are “all natural, energy boosting, and delicious,” although from the ingredients list, their maple syrup doesn’t seem nearly as natural as, well, real maple syrup. (This is what’s in it: Invert Sugar, Water, Natural Maple Flavor, Caffeine, Natural Butter Flavor. Do you know what invert sugar is?) While they aren’t covering up any mystery ingredients (which some energy drinks are able to, by virtue of being classified as a “supplement” instead of a food), they’re still pairing lots of sugar with lots of caffeine, which can be a brutal pair.
Urban Daddy gives their “Frankenwaffles” a glowing review:
See, no one’s trying to redefine the waffle here—just improve it. So they fashioned some perfectly hand-holdable Belgian-style ones and injected some flavor (like sugar, chocolate chip, cinnamon and straight-up bacon). Then they added enough caffeine for three cups of coffee. The result: a Frankenwaffle that endows its eater with the power of 10 men. (Or at least the power of forming full sentences before 9am.)
But they failed to mention the less-cool risk of hospitalization: New York Mag points out that energy-drink-related ER visits have doubled since 2007 thanks to caffeine toxicity (which isn’t an immediate concern for most adults, but can be for anyone who struggles with a heart condition, obesity, diabetes, or caffeine sensitivity). It would probably take a lot of caffeinated waffles and syrup to send you to the hospital, but the trend of throwing uppers and downers into drinks (yes, there are now “Dream” shots, to help anyone who’s too jacked up on energy drinks to fall asleep) and food is so disturbing, it’s making a Starbucks Trenta seem like a good old fashioned health drink.
Photo: courtesy of Wired Wyatt’s