In elementary school, you probably learned that the skin is the largest organ in the human body. Alabama state Rep. Mary Sue McClurkin would like you to know that’s wrong — at least, if you’re a lady, that is. Stupid patriarchal science classes! How could all those biased biology teachers have failed to tell us ladies that the largest organ in a woman’s body is a baby?????? Squeee!
But what if you don’t currently have a baby inside your womanly body? That does pose aÂ conundrumÂ You should probably just get pregnant, don’t you think?
I’ll bet McClurkin would think so. McClurkin also thinks any women who gets pregnant better damn well stay pregnant: Her new proposed legislation would place further restrictions on abortion services in Alabama under the theory that such major-organ-removing surgery requires more extensive regulation.Â The bill would require the five remaining abortion clinics in Alabama only use physicians with admittingÂ privilegesÂ at local hospitals (something local hospitals don’t have to grant them) and make it a felony for nurses, nurse practitioners or physician’s assistants to dispense abortion-inducing drugs.
â€śWhen a physician removes a child from a woman, that is the largest organ in a body,â€ť McClurkin told theÂ Montgomery Advertiser. â€śThatâ€™s a big thing. Thatâ€™s a big surgery. You donâ€™t have any other organs in your body that are bigger than that.â€ť
But … but … last night I checked in with Republican lawmakers, fetuses and fertilized eggs were people. Now they’re organs? Which is it guys? Because if my baby organ gets full human rights but not my kidneys, there’s gonna be a serious uprising in my excretory system … Just trying to plan ahead.