“Panty Fresheners” – Are You Kidding Me?

panty fresheners

 

I was browsing the “feminine supplies” aisle at Kmart recently because, really what else is there to do on a Friday night in Manhattan?, and I noticed this little atrocity: Poise Panty Fresheners!

Poise panty fresheners

In case it’s not entirely clear, Poise panty fresheners are scented stickers about the size of a half-dollar (reminiscent of those ultra-lame round plastic air fresheners that you could stick up inside your school locker). They are meant to be applied to the outside of one’s underwear for a staggering and unprecedented FOUR HOURS of freshness!

24 of these things will cost you about $5, but they had an in-store coupon taking them down to ~$2, so I bought a pack out of morbid curiosity. Upon cracking open the tiny purple jar, I noticed that the fresheners smell like cheap laundry detergent, or industrial hand soap maybe? Also, the non-adhesive side is white. As such, the fresheners will seriously disrupt the aesthetic of that lacy black thong of yours. I haven’t bothered taking one for a spin yet, and can’t say I ever intended to, actually.

In fact, I’m hoping that these won’t last long on the shelves, because otherwise that means someone is buying them, even repeatedly! How did we get to this point, where focus group women apparently think that the odor of their lady parts is so noxious and penetrating that it must be combatted with panty stickers, replaced every 4 hours for maximum freshness?

In general, I’m ok with consumer culture, but the commercialization of feminine hygiene is extremely irritating (pun intended). The only good news about Poise panty fresheners is that, being for external usage, they probably don’t have ill health effects, like scented feminine washes, sprays, douches, pad, panty liners, and tampons do. That stuff can definitely cause or exacerbate conditions like bacterial vaginosis and yeast infections. But why even chance it at all? Run, don’t walk, away from the scented feminine supplies.

Presumably alot of this obsession with feminine hygiene is motivated by a desire to smell and taste “right” for potential romantic interests. But I am LOLing pretty hard at the thought of some unsuspecting men (or women!) finding themselves with their fingers or mouths or noses on an unexpected, obtrusive, and stinky panty adhesive thingy. I suppose you could always sneak into the bathroom to pull it off before things heat up. But seriously now…

As always, if you’re having symptoms like itching, burning, or a different-than-usual smell or discharge, go see a doctor. Otherwise, may I kindly suggest appreciating your body for what it is? Life’s too short for pointless scented panty stickers, and anyone who doesn’t agree shouldn’t be allowed in there anyways.

Image: Shutterstock 

 

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    • anon

      I agree with your point in general (lady parts have a smell and that’s okay) but I wouldn’t entirely throw these out. There are days where I just don’t enjoy my own smell and might consider something like this…

      • Pamela J. Stubbart

        I mean, it’s one thing to prefer some of those natural smells to others, but are even the “worse” smells so bad that you’re afraid it’s bothering people around you, through your underwear and clothes?

    • Ce

      I think Poise’s line includes adult diapers. Perhaps this product is targeted to somehow be related as I’m sure a lot of individuals who require adult diapers may be self conscious?

      • Pamela J. Stubbart

        That did occur to me, although it’s also possible that Poise is just stepping into another section of the feminine hygiene market: these fresheners are part of a new line including personal lubricant, feminine wash, and cooling towelettes and gel for hot flash symptoms. Also these new products are listed on their website *not* in the “Light Bladder Leakage” section. So I dunno?

    • Natasha Dantzig

      First, I think stuff like this is just ridiculous, but also, I don’t think they ever even work. It’s like spraying that fake smelling citrus stuff after you use the bathroom like it’s actually going to make someone think you just shat out an orange tree.

    • Hannah

      I’d be worried that they’d still have ill health effects. They’re still pretty darn close to your vagina.

    • kain

      Sometimes I think they should bring back women using lysol down there, but pam stubbart is right women should try and be more natural and feel better about themselves.

    • KY

      Natasha, you are tooo funny! “shat an orange tree” :D