Which fast food items should a person monitoring their caloric intake avoid? Financial website, Market Watch, compiled a list of the highest calorie foods available at American fast food restaurants and boy are these menu options high in calories! They are not joking around.
Let me be super clear: I do not care what you eat (as long as it’s not human meat or similarly taboo) and I do not care how much of it. That’s your business. Be a vegan, only eat cured meats, eat 800 calories a day, eat 8,000 calories a day–I don’t care. Really. If you want to eat hamburger-inspired food cubes and drink soda out of a coffin-sized cup, go for it. Individual’s choices aren’t the problem, the problem is the fast food industry’s reckless disregard for nutrition and the wellbeing of its customers.
American fast food restaurants serve massive quantities of food in order to entice people into spending more money in the name of “value.” You can get a cheezburger for $1 or you can get a cheezburger with 10 patties for $1.10. Fast food joints are trying to turn a profit and they do whatever it takes regardless of any negative repercussions. It’s beyond irresponsible, it’s reprehensible—diabolical even.
Their foods are engineered to be desirable and addictive; their locations and menus are engineered to get you to spend money and get out. The food is bad for you, everybody knows that. Whether you care about the obesity epidemic or not, overeating is problematic and it’s even more problematic that these businesses make overeating practically unavoidable for their customers.
Here are the 10 most calorically packed menu options available for human consumption at fast food restaurants and also my judgments on those foods*:
- White Castle’s 20 chicken rings, 1,760 calories. Each “chicken ring” is 88 calories. By the way, a chicken ring is like a hybrid of chicken nuggets, donuts and hubris. White Castle’s website describes them as “More exciting than a nugget, easier to eat than a wing.” So, if you think chicken nuggets are boring and wings are a chore, grab some chicken rings at White Castle.
- Burger King’s Ultimate breakfast platter, 1,450 calories. I have no idea if the platter is for one person or a group.
- McDonald’s – Big breakfast with syrup and margarine, 1,350 calories. “ fresh-baked buttermilk biscuit, savory sausage hot off the griddle, fluffy scrambled eggs, crispy hash browns and golden brown hotcakes.” I don’t even give a shit about watching my “carbs” and somehow a biscuit and pancakes and hash browns is making me get the Atkins fad from the early 2000s.
- KFC – 10-piece bag of original recipe chicken bites, 1,300 calories. I wonder if these are as fun and convenient as chicken rings.
- Wendy’s – Dave’s Hot ‘N Juicy 3/4 lb. triple patty with cheese, 1,120 calories. I don’t want any of this Dave character’s hot ‘N Juicy anything.
- Panera Bread – Steak and white cheddar on a French baguette, 980 calories. Ugh, this one actually sounds delicious to me.
- Taco Bell – Volcanic nachos, 970 calories. Volcanoes are rad.
- Dunkin’ Donuts – Frozen mocha coffee coolatta with cream, 730 calories. Doesn’t even have booze in it.
- Subway – Mega melt on flatbread with egg, 660 calories. Subway should stop pretending to be the healthy option like yesterday. Phonies.
- Pizza Hut – 14-inch large meat lover’s pan pizza, 470 calories. The real bummer is that nearly 500 calories doesn’t seem like a lot now that I’ve read about the previous 9 on the list. Oh wait, that’s per slice–I take it back.
If you’re counting calories, but can’t avoid any of these fast food items, I guess share them with a buddy or portion your food out. One 730 calorie coolatta frappe thingy every blue moon probably won’t kill you anyway**. Moderation, compadre. If you aren’t watching your calories, chow down.
*If dared, I’d eat any of these except for the chicken rings.
**No promises, it could kill you.