While what seems like the whole world is feverishly waiting for the royal baby to burst out of Duchess Kate’s royal birth canal, the royal spawn’s future auntie is allegedly anticipating her sister’s hideous post-birthing figure and preparing accordingly. Tabloids say that Pippa is going to “Help Sister Duchess Of Cambridge Lose Royal Baby Weight” because obviously that’s what sisters do for each other. SIKE. It’s not sisterly to care more about your main-girl’s body than the major change in her life.
According to the MailOnline Pippa has purchased a “baby girdle” for Kate. A baby girdle, for those who don’t know, is a contraption new moms can wear to tighten their abdomens back up. Jessica Alba was open about wearing one after the births of her two children. Alba told The Edit that she wears ”a girdle around my tummy from the moment I give birth until it doesn’t feel loosey goosey anymore—that takes a good two to three months.”
I’m not sure if there is a worse possible baby-gift than a fucking girdle. Under-eye cream? A gun with one bullet? Even if a girdle wasn’t a completely insulting and negative thing to give someone, Pippa would know better than to buy such a shitty present. She’s a party planner for god’s sakes–she’s professionally exceptional at celebrating. No one celebrates with heavy-duty foundation undergarments. Not even the Middletons.
This story seems entirely fabricated and fueled by the international obsession with Middleton sisters’ bodies. I’m sure Kate will be under intense pressure to lose weight and “get her figure back” or whatever, but she has enough resources at her disposal that she won’t need her sister’s help in any way.
I have a big sister too; when she was pregnant, the last thing on my mind was what her body was going to look like after she had the baby. I was thinking things like: oh my god, my sister is going to be a fucking mother. MY SISTER IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING MOTHER. MY SISTER. Even if my sis and I were athletic types famous for having hard bodies, there is literally no way in hell it would even cross my mind to buy her a baby-girdle before she even had the baby. Or after the baby came. Or ever.
Story via Entertainment Wise//Image via Getty