• Fri, Jul 19 - 3:22 pm ET

It’s Not Just Men Who Avoid Condoms–Women Are Irresponsible Too

nun-prays-sweetlyIf there’s something I hate as much as outright violent misogyny, it’s benevolent misogyny.

The other day, Yahoo! Shine, which everyone knows is a scholarly website for academics, geniuses and the generally brilliant, (jk; if that were the case, how would I know about it?), published a post titled “5 Things Men Say to Avoid Using Condoms.” I hate it. It’s a manifestation of benevolent misogyny.

When I was a teen, I was taught that boys try to convince girls to skip condoms and we have to make them do it or else we will become sluts and die; most girls are taught that. We’re also taught to do whatever boys want us to do and also to not have sex at all–it’s all terribly contradictory. The problem with that advice is that it places a horrible burden on women to be good and moral and responsible thing from up on their pedestals where perfect behavior is expected 100% of the time. Women who deviate from the expectation or tumble from the pedestals are become sluts and die. Boys and men who don’t use tactics to avoid condoms and want to be safe are considered good, but those who don’t are just boys being boys.

Here are their 5 things Yahoo! Shine says men will say to avoid condoms:

1) His line: “Don’t worry, I’m clean.”

Could also be her line. Maybe she is clean, maybe she’s a liar.

2) His line: “You’re so sexy-I can’t wait. Let’s just do it.”

Could also be her line. Ladies get impatient too.

3) His line: “It’ll feel so much better without.”

Could also be her line. To many people it would, objectively feel better without. It’s not something people say out loud, but a lot of people all across the gender spectrum use condoms because it’s smart and sex still awesome, but feel as though it’s less awesome. Still, wearing condoms is safe. Safety first.

4) His line: “Can I not wear a condom?”

Her line: “Fuck condoms.” Also, how is it deceitful or manipulative to straight up ask this yes or no question?

5) His line: “What, you don’t trust me?”

Could be her line. A

The listicle was written in response to a study that found:

“80 percent of guys admit to having used at least one tactic to avoid using condoms during sex, according to a new survey published in the Journal of Sex Research (Ed. note-Is there any other kind?*). And even worse, men said they try three and a half different kinds of tactics over the course of their hookup history, on average”

Researchers at the University of Washington polled a whopping (eye-roll) 313 men aged 21-30 on their sexual behavior. Study author, Kelly Cue Davis, PhD, research associate professor at the University of Washington and her team “wanted to uncover how common condom-resistance behaviors are among men and what kinds of coercive tactics are most frequently employed to persuade their partners,”

OK. I get it. I agree. Coercing someone to not use a condom is creepy, we’ve all seen Harmony Korine’s Kids(1995) , and it sucks how many people resort to trickery, but this study and the language used on Yahoo! Shine act as though women are automatically responsible and interested in using a condom unless outwitted by a sneaky man. Just because a lot  men are jerks doesn’t mean that these women are responsible angels being lead astray. Maybe, just maybe if we stopped acting like women are supposed to be chaste sexual gate-keepers, more men would realize that some women are wanton and reckless perverts quite like themselves and they should wear condoms to protect themselves. Condoms are to protect everyone. It’s smart to wear one. Go put one on.

Story via Yahoo! Shine// Image via Shutterstock

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  • Jane

    I stumbled upon a pretty disturbing site called bros like this site. I was absolutely horrified with the misogyny and their beliefs about condom use. I never realized how many guys out there believe they dont have to play a role in having safe sex. If anything it strengthened my resolve to enforce the condom issue. If a guy doesn’t want to wear a condom, it indicates to me that he has no concern over the consequences that may occur for either me or him

    • Joanna Rafael

      How horrifying. Safe sex needs to be everyone’s responsibility.

  • kj

    Yes! I have a female friend that don’t like to use condoms… she says she hates “plastic bag sex.” So she goes on BC but banged quite a few randoms without protection. Le eek.

    • Joanna Rafael

      Your friend needs to get it together.

  • whitehawk66

    I think your essay and point would be more effective if you didn’t write with the mannerisms of a manic, shrill teenage girl.

    Practice.

    Good luck.

  • meteor_echo

    Yep. Both people are responsible for keeping their sex life safe, and, as long as there’s no abuse or coercion, both can be trying to skip the condom/BC/STD testing thing.