When I go to the gym, I usually wear a filthy Jesus and Mary Chain shirt with leggings and call it an outfit. I’m lucky enough to work out at an exceptionally lavish gym with tiny glass refrigerators filled with eucalyptus soaked towels and other wildly high quality amenities. The clientele is just as outrageously fancy as the equipment and I look like such a scrub compared to the other gym-goers. I’m not quite sure why they let me in.
In the cardio area of the gym, there are rows and rows of what appears to be an army of lady-clones bouncing up and down in unison with their perfect ponytails swishing, making me feel like a sweaty gremlin. The ellipticals seem to be set up in a hoplite phalanx formation. These
people warriors look so well groomed and nonchalant at the gym.Â They intimidate the crap out of me. I want to join their ranks.
Other than their poise and perfect coifs, you can identify members of this gym robot army by their brand of clothing. You’ve seen them at your gym, at the Whole Foods and in line for green juices; they’re the Lululemon ladies and they’re fancy as fuck. So fancy that they’ll pay top dollar for bike shorts. If you want to be one of them, you have to dress like them, but who has that kind of cash?
I understand the appeal of Lululemonâ€“truly, I do. Brand names can be fun and they allegedly have technology in their fabric (that’s nonsense). I even have a pair of their leggings and they make my booty look super fly. But what else makes my booty look super fly? Other than being 23, literally any super tight workout gear. Essentially any garbage pair of yoga pants or running tights will do the same thing to my ass, minus the price tag, faux scientific fabric and weird logo which I hope intentionally looks like the female reproductive system. All you really have to do to look like you’re in the Lululemon army is wear gym clothes that fitÂ really well. It’s pretty simple because weird NASA wicking fabric is not at all necessary for exercise. I have some ideas for you. And by you, I mean me.
Here are 5 gym items you can buy that will make you look fancy like a Lululemon lady while on a budget:
Lululemon “free to be tank” for $58
Soybu’s “bombshell tank” for $30Â
Lululemon’s “wunder under pant” for $92
Lululemon’sÂ “blissed out short” for $58