• Fri, Aug 30 - 12:15 pm ET

Essential Refreshments For An Orgy

sex party maskSo you want to host a sex party? A really “classy” one in the spirit of Eyes Wide Shut? I can give you some advice, but only if you promise that this is going to be an elegant affair and not just you inviting a bunch of perverts over to your apartment for group sex.

You have the masks, the toys, you rented an luxurious yet quirky event space (clown costume factory or repurposed movie theater, naturally), but you’re not sure what to do about refreshments? Before you decide on the menu, hire some models to be servers. And don’t forget to remind your guests to bring their appetites (sexual and otherwise) because your orgy is going to satisfy every lack.

Here are the essential refreshments whether you’re having a buffet table or a more depraved bacchanal setup where food is just strewn about for the gobbling:

  • Coconut water- Plain water is for normal parties. Get the kind with pulp, the texture is quite erotic.
  • Pigs in a Blanket- Suggestive, old school and delicious. Cocktail weenies are the sexy party of Hors d’oeuvres.
  • Shaved Ice- It’s gonna be hot, it’s gonna be sweaty–cool your erotic guests down with delicious shaved ice.
  • A Wedding Cake- As a joke, because traditional marriage is for people who don’t get invited to cool sex parties. Extra points if the cake topper is a pile of undulating plastic bodies.
  • Alcohol- Champagne and Absinthe only.
  • Any and all alleged aphrodisiacs 
  • Edible sex toys
  • 5 hour energy drink
  • An entire suckling pig on a spit- a reminder to your guests that this is an evening celebrating the fact that we ain’t dead yet.

Did I forget anything that would maximize mouth pleasures? Where’s my invitation?

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