Sure, you can always be a slutty firefighter or a slutty French maid or a slutty whatever-the-hell, but here are a few ideas for easy, cheap, health-and-fitness inspired Halloween costumes. Sluttiness optional, as always!
Ryan Lochte: Get a grill, a fake gold medal, and a Speedo. Done.
Gwyneth Paltrow: A stick-straight blonde wig, a snobby smirk, a fancy evening dress and carry around a box of organic, gluten-free crackers. Bonus points if you put “goop” on your head.
A pumpkin spice latte: You can wear a Starbucks logo t shirt with a fake pumpkin head. You could wear an orange wig. You could wear white and paint a Starbucks logo onto cardboard as if it’s the sleeve that goes on the actual latte cup. The possibilities of how to represent this omnipresent fall drink are endless, but it’s a guaranteed laugh no matter what.
CrossFit enthusiast: Get one of the heinous t-shirts we wrote about earlier this week and pair it with a few sweatbands and gym shorts. Talk a lot about how amazing it is to eat Paleo and all the awesome people at your “box.” Bonus points
Richard Simmons: Curly wig, a sweatband, shorty shorts, a tank top, white tennis shoes, and a gigantic smile. You could also carry around a radio that plays oldies and make everyone at the Halloween parties you attend literally “sweat to the oldies.”
80s Aerobic Instructor/Jane Fonda: This costume is ridiculously easy, because I know you have some accessories from an 80s party laying around. Wear a tight leotard, big hair, big earrings, and bright legwarmers.
Jillian Michaels: Wear a sports bra, a pair of athletic pants, a whistle around your neck, and a perpetual snarl on your face. Yell a lot.
Dancing With The Stars Contestant: Pick your favorite person who’s ever been on DWTS and channel them for your costume. The spanglier the outfit, the better.
Kate Middleton: Ok, this isn’t really health-and-fitness related, but you could always talk in a posh British accent about the pressure to lose the baby weight, right? Wear a long, luscious brown wig, a polka-dotted dress, conservative pumps and either a tiara or a big old fancy hat. Carry a baby doll you call George, too.
A sushi roll: Just buy this costume and call it a day.
Kate Upton: Dress up as the most talked-about model of the year! Wear a long blonde wig, a ski parka with a bikini top and a white bikini bottom. Probably best if you’re going to an indoor party.
Zombie Yoga Instructor/Zumba instructor/Pilates instructor/etc: Zombies aren’t really my thing, but it’s super easy to dress in a fitness-y outfit, then paint yourself all up so you look dead and call yourself a “zombie” whatever the hell you wanna be.
Photo: Flickr user merfam