• Mon, Oct 28 - 3:00 pm ET

The Things That Make Men And Women So Horny

 

austin powers hornyA study conducted by entertainment brand Mecca surveyed more than 2,000 Brits to solve the age old question “What makes people horny, baby?” The results aren’t so much surprising as they are slightly weird and a little boring. They kind of just reveal how predictable people are. I was hoping for some freakier insights.

Lucky for us, The Daily Mail conveniently put the study’s findings in list form for us to scrutinize and make fun of a little bit:

Here are the top ten turn ons for women with my commentary in italics:

1. Losing weight- Self esteem will flood your body with horniness. 
2. Fresh bed sheets- All the better to soil with debaucherous sexual activity     
3. Winning a sum of money- Every little girl fantasizes about doing it on a pile of cash.         
4. Night out with the girls- Wait?   
5. Hot bath- This one confuses me. Baths lower my blood pressure and relax me so intensely that I’d need a good shock just to muster the energy for a make-out session after–intercourse would be out of the question. 
6. Work night out or work Christmas party- A work Christmas party is a weirdly specific celebration to find arousing. 
7. A new hair do- It’ll be like having sex as an entirely new person. 
8. Having makeup applied- “Let’s smear my makeup on our clean sheets from turn on #2, big boy.”  
9. Workout at the gym- Endorphins, baby.         
10. Closing a deal or completing a major task at work- Accomplishing stuff must be addicting. 

And the top ten turn ons for men (same deal with the commentary):

1. Night out with the boys- Fantasy football or whatever really fires up the old undercarriage. 
2. Fresh bed sheets- Virgin sheets, man.
3. Hot bath- The media told me that baths are for women. I guess the gender bending is hot. 
4. Winning a sum of money- The Daily Mail’s consulting psychiatrist claims that personal gain causes a sexy sexy rush of adrenaline in both men and women. 
5. Sports team win- “Oh honey, it’s so sexy how much you love the Red Sox.”
6. Losing weight- Self esteem helps all genders get in the mood to screw. 
7. Work out at the gym- ”That’s what we call the pump.” That’s why Arnold was always cumming. 
8. Driving a sports car- Ass, grass or cash. Nobody rides free. 
9. Closing a deal or completing a major task at work- Must close another deal…sexually.
10. Cleaning the house- Another gender role mind-fuck to consider.

Some of these “turn ons” came as surprises to me because in my social circle nothing gets men and women going like loneliness, booze and someone having an apartment that is closer to the bar than your own!

Do my tired and dated Austin Powers references turn you on though?

Via The Daily Mail//Image via New Line Cinema

 

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