• Mon, Dec 2 - 4:30 pm ET

Sperm Themed Holiday Gifts For Lovers (No Facials)

11QQAQrxqKLIt’s Cyber Monday or whatever, so like a normal person, I typed “sperm” into Amazon.com just to see what would come up. The search yielded 6,900 results. I didn’t look at all 20 pages, but I did see a wide variety of products, like tablets intended to alter the flavor of the consumer’s semen, fertility supplements, creepy semen detection strips for infidelity test kits, fare for whale enthusiasts, and a fair amount of goofy spermatozoa themed novelty goods.

Most of the spermy novelties on the market are as useless as gummy penis candy and just slightly less crass. They have no place anywhere outside of a sex ed classroom, fertility clinic reception desk, tacky bachelorette party, or casual winter gift exchange with a sperm loving friend.

All of these are conveniently available for purchase on Amazon…

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  • Ashley

    I’ve seen semen cookbooks before but never a semen cocktail guide oh my G O D.