If you think Christmas is a wholesome holiday, think again. Have you not given the old tune “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” a good listen? It’s pretty raunchy. Based on what I’ve seen, all that cookie eating and good cheer seems like a cover up for pussy eating and lots of Christmas spankings. I mean, they make vibrators shaped like candy canes.
Just because a bunch of prudes want you to believe Christmas is a family holiday, doesn’t mean you have to adjust your lifestyle. Let your Christmas tree reflect your twisted one track mind with erotic ornaments. There are so many adult Christmas ornaments out there, barely hidden among the normal Christmas decorations. They could easily decorate the entire Christmas tree at Rockefeller Center with nothing but miniature boobs, dicks and Santa Claus sex sculptures.
Out of all the bizarre erotic Christmas ornaments out there, these are our 10 favorites:
1) Felt Melons: Handmade Felt Breast Ornament, $17.31 via Vaginament These are the prettiest and most tasteful adult Christmas ornaments on the market.
2) Ho!Ho!Ho! Ornament, $9.99 via Spencer’s. Santa, you old perv!
3) Oven Lovin’ Ornament, $9.99 via Spencer’s Someone designed a number of Christmas ornaments depicting beloved seasonal icons engaging in some rear-entry schtupping.
4) Snowmen Sex Ornament, $9.99 via Spencer’s. The lady-snowman has blue nipples. 5) Santa Butt Ornament, $14.95 via Amazon. Somebody’s been naughty.
6) Chris Rockaway Ornament, $20.95 via Zazzle. I don’t understand what’s going on here, but I love how creepy it is.
9) Crochet Penis, $18 via Meowadays. Crochet really classes up the whole crass penis-wearing-a-hat deal.
The two ornaments showing gingerbread cookies doing it doggy style tie for my favorite.