• Fri, Dec 6 - 1:45 pm ET

Rejoice! Masturbation Is Good For You!

40-year-old-virgin-bethGood news, masturbators! You no longer have to fret about growing hair on your palms or going blind. The jury is still out about the whole burning in Hades for all eternity thing.

Two enthusiastic diddlers from the University of Sydney, Anthony Santella and his college Spring Chenoa Cooper, are hellbent on proving that jerkin’ it can help prevent diabetes, cystitis, insomnia, and diabetes among other illnesses. As a lady, I was particularly interested in how tickling myself can help my who reproductive area. Here’s what they said about cervixes:

‘For women, masturbation can help prevent cervical infections and urinary tract infections through the process of “tenting,” or the opening of the cervix that occurs as part of the arousal process.

 

‘Tenting stretches the cervix, and thus the cervical mucous. This enables fluid circulation, allowing cervical fluids full of bacteria to be flushed out.’

These guys are so pro self completion! Remember friends, masturbation is not just something you can do to stave off disease; people who regularly love themselves are enjoying convenient orgasms, reduced stress, lowered blood pressure, pain reduction, no chance of unwanted pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases, and killer self esteem.

I’ll leave you with a list of 10 euphemisms for masturbation:

  1. click the mouse
  2. choke the chicken
  3. making it snow
  4. praying
  5. giving yourself a high five
  6. making pudding
  7. raising the dead
  8. tickling the kitty
  9. polishing the pearl
  10. shucking oysters

Now go rub one out.

via Daily Mail//Image via The 40-Year-Old Virgin (2005)

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