• Tue, Dec 10 - 5:00 pm ET

The Most Common Sexual Fetishes Are So Mundane They’re Basically Vanilla

looking for mr goodbarIn a quickie post today, the prudes nice people at The Guardian ” discussed some of the most common sexual fetishes” which to my surprise weren’t what I considered serious fetishes. Maybe I’m desensitiezed, but I figured the fetishes they listed (which I go over below) were just considered minor kinks at this point. I mean, thanks to the internet, any weirdo who has a thing for any combination of body parts, animals or any nouns whatsoever can find out they aren’t so alone. The alleged fetishes listed by the publication maybe fetish by definition, but they are vanilla by today’s standards. Engaging in any of these activities doesn’t make you a deranged pervert, being a pervert doesn’t  even make you a sicko unless you’re hurting someone (who does not want to be hurt). Fulfill your fantasies, you’re not a freak.

These are apparently the most common fetishes, rendering all of us sick fucks:

BDSM- Domination and submission, bondage and whatnot has so many subsets, it seems like it would be difficult to avoid a little dabbling in BDSM. From erotic spankings to satin wrist restraints, face it, you’ve at least thought about it. Let us help you take your power games up a notch.

Voyeurism- It’s not so weird to want to watch. Don’t be some sort of non consensual Peeping Tom or anything, but no need to be ashamed because you indulge in pornography, like to watch your partner jerk off and whatnot.

Role Play- If you love a man in uniform, you may want to give it a whirl. According to The Guardian, some of the most common play-pretend fantasies include “bunny girls, school girls, French maids, secretaries, robbers and cops,” but I think we’re creative enough to try more adventurous roles like “astronaut” and “Zombie Nun.”

Anal- The Guardian thinks this is a fetish. I don’t. A cavity is a cavity. A hole is a hole. Sex is sex. Considering anal to be a fetish is completely snubbing how a large portion of our population has sex. Uncool.

Vinyl, Latex, Leather, et al- This means hot tight sex-clothes and accessories intended for sex and sexy stuff and not for court or the office. Form over function, more like form-fitting as function. Fabric fetishes seem to be the intersection of erotic role-play and BDSM.

Multiple Sex- Threesomes, foursomes, orgies, and sexfests are getting their time in the sun. I have friends who suspect that 2013 was the year for group sex. The more the merrier, no? If you have a regular (typically monogamous) partner, make sure you communicate and draw boundaries or group sex is a recipe for irreparable jealousies.

Image via Looking For Mr. Goodbar (1977)

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  • elle

    These don’t even seem like fetishes but then again I do enjoy me some porn so maybe stuff like this just kinda makes me shrug?

  • Alyson Melody

    Astronauts.

  • http://AsianSweetie.org/ AsianPhoneSexGirl

    SO THIS!

    It’s a matter of basic ignorance to declare the above “serious fetishes”. Especially regarding Anal and Role play is a method of exploring fetishes, not a fetish by itself.

    The Guardian needs to do some research and come back with quicksand and balloons.

  • Muggle

    This stuff is so common and so tame that I’m a bit surprised that they didn’t say dumb shit like “woman on top” or “lights on” or “in the shower.”

  • DaisyJupes

    Fetish doesn’t mean sick perv, it means something you need to sexually function. If you’re into BDSM/feet/voyeurism as a fetish, you cannot be sexually satisfied without it. You’re not complete and you NEED it and it often influences your nonsexual life. Simply liking BDSM/feet/voyeurism doesn’t constitute a fetish, it makes it a like. You can love to be tied up, but unless that is necessary for your sexual happiness, it’s just a like or a preference.That is what the difference is between a fetish and something you like. Which is what I’m struggling to get my boyfriend to understand.