There’s a new imaginary body part in town. Forget all about your hip dips and thigh gaps and turkey waddles and fug pancreases. It’s 2014, bitches and your buffalo hump is going to kill some boners if you don’t do something about it now.
“What is a buffalo hump?” you might find yourself wondering. As The Daily Mail describes it, the buffalo hump is “the fatty build-up at the base of the neck caused by excessive weight gain.” Um. Well, now that my have eyes stopped rolling uncontrollably, I can be all what the what? And immediately start rubbing the top of my back. Apparently, people hate this new trendy body part so much that “buffalo hump removal” is not only a real surgery, but a really popular one. In 2013 the procedure faced a 350% increase. I suppose in 2012 hardly anyone gave a single fuck because we had yet to fracture off that body part to scrutinize and hate.
I’ve seen many renditions of The Hunchback of Notre Dame and still have never once worried that I may have a hideous hump that must be removed. Which leads me to my next question: why buffalo hump? All the animal comparisons in the world of body-hatred are pretty rude. Buffalo are adorable, why are we dragging them into this mess. I’d rather this be called a Quasimodo hunch or something because Quasi was a good dude, so devoted to his bells.
Because I’m pathetically vain, I had to wonder “Do I have a buffalo hump? Probably. If not, can I prevent one before I have to go under the knife and have one of those removal surgeries so that I don’t die alone?” I found my answer in The Daily Mail, naturally. The DM is always on their game–those writers are a bunch of Woodwards and Bernsteins just busting open news. The Mail discussed the huge groundbreaking issue with “a spokesperson for WhatClinic.com” the people that carried out the critical and Earth altering buffalo hump research. The spokesperson said :
Buffalo humps can be an unusual side effect of certain medications, but more often they appear over time, through obesity. Poor posture doesn’t help either, making it more noticeable.
This issue undoubtedly leaves sufferers feeling self-conscious and miserable, especially as it occurs in an area of the body that people don’t usually worry about. A relatively simple surgical procedure can correct the problem, and restore the person’s normal shape.
So, if you were saving for a boob-job, face lift or to have your hind quarters hiked up surgically, maybe save your pennies for a buffalo hump removal. Or you could always retreat to a tower where you can be safe with your bell and no weirdo doctors will come try to slice your hump, real or imaginary, off. I think that’s how the story goes.
Read more about the hump at our sister site, The Gloss.
via Daily Mail//Image via The Hunchback of Notre Dame