Plastic surgery is pretty prevalent these days, most celebrities seem to have at least had some work done and some people are celebrities simply for the work they’ve had done, like Heidi Montag and that human barbie and those weird french twins and the lady with the cat face, among others. As technology advances and beauty ideals continue to put crushing pressure on people, cosmetic surgery is probably only going to become more pervasive.
From body shaping to vaginal rejuvenation, there is an embarrassment of cosmetic procedures to choose from. For enough money, you can have your form altered literally from head to toe. Despite the plethora of surgical alterations possible, people seem to really enjoy some classic procedures. The most popular plastic surgeries are also the most obvious.
Just to be clear, we are talking about cosmetic surgical procedures, not reconstructive procedures like tumor removal or scar revision, and certainly not minimally invasive shenanigans like botox or chemical peels. We are talking about the vanity procedures that people are willing to go under the knife for at whatever cost, not surgery that someone actually needs for medical reasons.
According to The American Society of Plastic Surgeons’ 2012 Plastic Surgery Statistics Report the following are the most popular cosmetic surgery procedures and the national average price tag. Though I support anyone doing whatever they want with their money and to their own bodies (within reason), I came up with cheaper and safer alternatives to each type of procedure.
Without further ado, in order from most to least popular:
- Breast augmentation aka augmentation mammaplasty aka boob-job- It will cost around $3,543 to get saline or silicone implants crammed into your chest. You can get a six-pack of gold toe socks for like $20.
- Nose reshaping aka rhinoplasty aka nose-job- To have a doctor break your face so that you can have a new face, it will set you back about $4,493. If you want a nose job, but don’t have that kind of cheddar to spare, search for “nose job” on youtube and check out recovery vlogs and even footage of the procedure taking place. Youtube also has many tutorials that will teach you makeup contouring tips and tricks to achieve the appearance of the nose you want.
- Eyelid surgery aka eye-lift- You can have a doctor put a knife near your eyes that you see with for like $2,972 If that doesn’t suit your lifestyle and terrifies you, just purchase sunglasses that are out of your budget and wear them all the time. It’ll be your new thing.
- Liposuction- For around $2,852, a medical professional will crudely jam a vacuum tube around parts of your body that you think have too much fat. Instead of lipo, you can get spanx which cost around $40 and potentially your dignity.
- Facelift aka rhytidectom-. Having your face-skin peeled off of your head and having some of the excess trimmed before having it sewn back onto your head will set you back approximately $6,630. Or you can have someone paint a portrait of you that will age for you to keep in your attic for the price of your sanity.
Those prices are merely the national average for physician’s fees without factoring in anesthesiologist fees, hospital fees, medication, and any recovery accoutrements.
*Keep in mind this information is from 2012, though I’m sure the 2013 Statistics Report will be released as soon as a data has been analyzed.
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