• Tue, Feb 4 - 12:15 pm ET

5 Reasons You Suck At Sleeping

bad nights sleepThe other week, we discussed the ways we suck at showering and people weren’t too happy to find out that they’re straight up bad at cleaning their bodies properly. No one likes to find out they were doing a shoddy job performing such a simple task. I hate to disappoint the perfectionists and hoity toity know-it-alls out there, but it turns out that we almost all of us suck at doing a lot of really basic activities. We’re even screwing up sleep which is a biological imperative.

If you thought you were so good at showers that you could take one in your sleep, you’ll be heartbroken to find out that you probably aren’t even doing sleep right in your sleep. Boy oh boy, are we a bunch of disappointing good-for-nothings who can’t do anything right. Getting a shitty night’s sleep aka sleeping wrong is almost impossible to avoid due to outstanding factors like technology and the stressors of 21st century life. So, good luck improving and reaping the benefits of a healthy sleep schedule.

Here are 5 ways we suck at sleep:

  1. You don’t sleep enough- According to the National Sleep Foundation, adult humans need seven to nine hours of sleep to feel rested. I don’t know anyone who regularly gets seven to nine hours of sleep unless they are unemployed or ill. We’re all burning the candle at both ends and it’s only making us more stressed and bummed out. According to studies published in SLEEP: The Journal, sleep deprivation is linked to depression.
  2. You sleep too much- Sleeping too much is also related to depression in adults. Per the Huffington Post this is the basic gist of data implying depression is linked to extreme sleep hours“Researchers found that people in the study who slept a “normal” amount each night — between seven and 8.9 hours a night — had a 27 percent heritability of depressive symptoms. But people who slept fewer than seven hours a night or nine or more hours a night had an increased heritability of depressive symptoms: 53 percent for the short sleepers and 49 percent for the long sleepers.” 
  3. You have poor sleep hygiene- The quality of your sleep and therefore waking life is heavily affected by your sleep hygiene aka habits and behaviors conductive to restful sleep. If you are drinking or smoking before turning in for the night, use your bed for things other than sleep, use electronics right before sleep and don’t have a regular bed-time, chances are your sleep hygiene sucks and it’s ruining your life.
  4. You are acting like a freak asleep in the sheets- Are you a sleep talker? A sleep walker? A snorer? A sleep fucker? A sleep eater? A nighttime tooth grinder? Have night terrors? Restless leg syndrome? You have a parasomnia (sleep disorder) and act abnormally when you’re sleeping. These can make you a danger to yourself or others and they are not uncommon.
  5. You use the snooze button- The phrase “you snooze, you lose” legitimately applies to use of the snooze function on your alarm. When you and the other third of American adults choose to get an extra 9 minutes sleep, you’re setting yourself up for increased grogginess throughout your day. Check out Greatist’s post on the snooze button for more info.

Sweet dreams.

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  • Kaitlin Reilly

    Are naps okay or are they factored into your 9+ hours of sleep?! (Because I’ve been taking them “for my health” recently…)

  • Itzel

    what about a melatonin cocktail? Just Kidding. I think I’ve always sucked at sleeping and i’m really trying to change my lifestyle. I’ve been doing some yoga before bedtime. But who am i kidding,i’m probably doing that wrong too. Fun article-thank you!

    http://hippiesandtea.com