How To Have Sex Like An Olympian

olympic sexAccording to TMZ Sports, the International Olympic Committee has distributed about 100,000 condoms to the horndog athletes at the Olympic Village aka Orgyfest 2014. One hundred thousand rubbers will amount to about 35 condoms per person to be used over 16-days. Those horny Olympians will probably use up that supply and then some, if you know what I’m getting at (they ran out last time). What I am getting at is this: the athletes are schtupping a lot, so much that they are probably doing nothing but sexual intercourse while they aren’t actively engaged in a sports match or practice.

As you can imagine, things get pretty raunchy when you gather so many hot young athletes in such close quarters, running on competitive energy, booze, adrenaline, and weird cocktails of fancy vitamins and supplements. The Olympians are probably not only having more sex at the Olympic Village than the rest of us will for years, but crazier sex than we’ll ever have. I don’t want to say that athletic ability has anything to do with sexual abilities, but at an elite level it probably does. These people can do such crazy things with their bodies, there’s no way they aren’t doing stuff sexually that us normal freaks can’t even imagine.

Here are some tips on how to have elite level sex like an olympic athlete:

Be safe- Olympians use condoms; you can too. You can’t have any diseases, antibiotics or accidents screwing with your game.

Practice- If you want to bang like an olympian you have to train like an olympian. Start training for feats of strength, endurance, flexibility, and general athleticism starting at a very young age.

Focus and drive- Olympians spend their lives preparing to compete with other world class athletes. No one becomes an Olympian overnight. If you want to have elite competitive sex, you’re going to have to really want it.

Play to win- When you’e at the Olympics, everything is a game. Have sex like you’re representing your home country. Have sex like you mean it. Have sex like there’s a winner and a loser and losing is not an option.

Be genetically gifted- Sure, the kids at the Olympic village work hard, but many people who work hard can’t achieve Olympian status because they weren’t blessed with the potential to be the creme de la creme.

 via Huffington Post// Image viaShutterstock

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    • th1rdeye

      what the F is this article?…..

      seriously?

      slap whoever wrote this piece of shit

      • Lindsey Conklin

        seriously? who the F are you?

        I think this article is fantastic. “”have sex like you mean it,” haha i love it.

        also, gently spanking is generally preferred over being slapped.

      • Joanna Rafael

        Thank you, dude! I have no idea what could possibly have upset anyone about this post enough to want to hit me. It’s goofy and innocuous.

    • th1rdeye

      I’m sure most olympians already have partners..