• Thu, Feb 20 - 2:15 pm ET

15 Reasons Why You’ll Regret Paying To Join A Private Pooping Club

private poopPooping in private is the shit. We can all admit that we’d rather go in our own toilets than in a stall where the noises you make could be audible and your shoes could be recognizable. Pooping is something we do behind closed doors for a reason. Personally, pooping publicly is nearly impossible for me. My body just shuts down that function if someone else is in the room with me, no matter how badly I had to go, I just can’t with someone else in the room.

I considered my own poop-shame to be pretty severe, but apparently it’s nothing compared to some people who would be willing to pay money to poop in a private pooping club. The club is called Posh Stow and Go, New York’s self proclaimed ”first members-only day storage and bathroom facility.” It will have private bathrooms with automatically flushing toilets, sound proof rooms with showers, lockers Posh Stow and Go to store belongings, among other luxury amenities. Membership is spendy, but you can pay for “packages” depending on how often you have to go and for how many days you’d like to be a member. They plan to open their first location in Midtown Manhattan in June.

Gizmodo points out that Posh Stow and Go is clearly marketed for tourists, but could also be useful for people with finicky babies and perhaps people with disabilities. It will also be useful for people that are willing to shell out big time to join a private pooping club. Despite my pooping-in-public fears, I’d never join just to have a quiet place to take a shit. It just seems like it’s more humiliating than suffering a few minutes in a public bathroom or holding it in.

Here are # reasons why the new private pooping clubs will only embarrass you more:

  1. What if you get caught emerging from a pooping club?
  2. Imagine running into someone you know at a pooping club, like your boss or your ex’s new lover.
  3. There will be a record of your pooping schedule.
  4. Everybody poops, but you’re the turd paying for it.
  5. Explaining your membership card when it falls out of your wallet.
  6. Going to the bathroom shouldn’t require going to a specific location like a gym, spa or doctor’s office (those all contain bathrooms).
  7. Clogging the toilet at a pooping club might cost you for damaging the facilities.
  8. Planning for poops is weird.
  9. Budgeting for bowel movements is weirder.
  10. You’ll be surrounded by other freaky-deakies who joined a shitting club.
  11. Everyone there will know what you’re up to.
  12. What if there’s a line?
  13. You might get to know the staff.
  14. They might get to know you.
  15. You spent all that money to join this club, so it will feel wasteful to poop anywhere else.

Let’s just say, I don’t want to be part of any club that would have someone like me pooping there.

via Gizmodo//Image via Shutterstock

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  • Lindsey Conklin

    hahahahahahahaha yeah. i’m with ya.

    • Joanna Rafael

      :)

  • Jim C.

    It’s not a pooping club. It’s for visitors who come to NYC by themselves or with families and it offers more than just bathrooms. They have nursing stations, private lockers, etc. Sure, people in NYC can use it. I live in the UWS and when i’m downtown shopping during the day, I have to wait in line at Starbucks to use the bathroom – and they’re usually gross! When you’re out in the city all day, where do you go to the bathroom? The nasty gas station? B/c I know the restaurants won’t let you in. Why don’t you do yourself a favor and read the actual website before you go saying this stuff. Funny article, but you completely simplified the argument.

    • Joanna Rafael

      Personally, I have no issue finding a bathroom to use in the city. In a pinch, most bars and restaurants WILL let you use their facilities. Other options: you can use the bathroom at a museum, a department store, or go to a whole foods and use theirs. Or you can just pay to join the pooping club you seem so excited about and not give a shit about my obviously goofy blog post. Learn to take a joke.

  • http://www.whenlifegivesyourubi.com/ Rubi Mancilla

    Oh my god this was hilarious! I died at number 15, definitely including this in my next link roundup :)

    • Joanna Rafael

      Thank you:) :)