The Olympics are done (finally), so we need something new to obsess over until we are exhausted. Luckily, The Academy Awards are nigh. This is not a drill!
I for one, can get far more into the Oscars than the Olympics. Year after year, I am dazzled by arrogant acceptance speeches and over the top red carpet fashions. Speaking of the red carpet, does anyone know how famous people tolerate such a tedious ritual? I imagine all those nervous stars are freaking the geek out while slowly shuffling from their cars to their seats. Sure, it makes for great publicity and photo opportunities, but it’s also kind of a waste of time that could be better spent working out. After all, in Hollywood, thinness is money.
Doing any of these 20 simple exercises will ensure a few calories are burned and heart-rates are racing long before the first envelope is opened:
- Arm Wrestle Matthew McConaughey- Call him a wuss and see what happens.
- Clench Your Butt- Squeezing your buttocks is a great way to strengthen your glutes, burn some calories and channel nervous energy. A billowy enough gown will disguise a tense behind.
- Jitter Anxiously- Fidgeting is another excellent way to channel nervous energy. Paired with the right kind of attitude, flibbertigibbet wriggling can be charming in a Jennifer Lawrence-ish relatable kind of way.
- Use Gravity to Your Advantage- The puny cast of Gravity! Spar with Sandra Bullock. See if she can really fight.
- Do Bicep Curls with Your Clutch- A tiny little evening bag can stash a surprising amount of weight. Toss a dumbbell in there.
- Do The (American) Hustle- Do a full dance cycle of the hustle whenever you see a cast member of American Hustle.
- Challenge Your Fellow Nominees- You don’t just have to compete for awards, compete to see who can run the fastest or do the most push-ups.
- Go For a Little Run- Away from the cameras or toward the cameras depending on how over or under-exposed you are.
- Use Interviews to Your Advantage- If someone asks who made your dress, prove it by sprinting to the designer’s house and dragging them back to the red carpet.
- Jog In Place- It’s no easy feat in heels! In a princess gown, one can hide ankle weights.
- Wear Weighted Heels- The heavier the leg, the harder it is to work that red carpet.
- Flap Your Arms- Wave to everyone really exuberantly, using both hands. Gesticulate wildly.
- Show, Don’t Tell- Demonstrate your entire workout in full whenever anyone asks about your exercise regimen.
- Do Lunges- Whenever, wherever. Same goes for squats.
- Dance with Ellen Degeneres- That lady is not kidding around when it comes to dancing. You’ll laugh, you’ll sweat, you’ll probably fall in love.
- See If You Can Dead-lift- Joaquin Phoenix’s entire body.
- Let A Live Wolf Loose- Run like hell, or it will be the wolf of maul street on your face.
- Carry a Massive Video Camera- Those things are heavy and you can pretend you’re doing some Shia LaBoeuf art-thing and asking the viewer “who is watching who?”
- Jump Into Other People’s Pictures- Everybody on the internet loves a good photobomb. Pull goofy faces behind the cast of 12 Years A Slave and ensure that you will burn calories trying to get away from people calling you out for being an asshole.
- Pick a Fight with a Famously Combative Star- You can bet your ass that someone will want to scrap.
Image via a katz / Shutterstock.com