• Wed, Mar 12 - 12:45 pm ET

10 Things You Should Never Do To Your Body To Get A Celebrity To Notice You

Miami Beach Police Documentation of Justin Bieber's Tattoos

Please don’t mutilate yourself for this guy.

Celebrity worship freaks me out in general, so when it goes too far, I get wildly uncomfortable.

It’s hard to not feel for 20-year-old Bryanna Debinder who lost 122 pounds just to get King Joffrey Justin Bieber’s attention. The poor girl thought that Bieber would be more likely to pull her up on stage to dance if she lost weight, but chances are fat or skinny, he is never going to notice her. It’s not her fault and it doesn’t have to do with her weight. Dude has a lot of fans, yet she’s upset he won’t even tweet her. She told The Daily Mail,

“[H]e’s really made me feel like I’m part of his life…I just wish he’d Tweet me back, though.”

All of this heartache over the approval of a dickbag popstar she doesn’t even personally know. You can read more about Bryanna Debinder on our sister-blog, The Gloss.

In a way, it’s nice that this girl lost weight and is happy about it, but losing that much body weight specifically because of Justin Bieber is pretty unsettling. I’m all for people doing basically whatever they want to themselves, but only if it is for themselves and not for some pop idol or celebrity they have weird delusional ideas about.

Here are 10 things you shouldn’t do to or with your body to get a celebrity to notice you:

1. Tribute Tattoos- Debinder told the DM that she is “planning to get the lyrics to ‘Be Alright’ tattooed on my back.” Oy vey. Girl, no. I’m sure some people out there have bitchen’ Dolly Parton tats, but for the most part, inking yourself in honor of boyband guys is pretty goofy.

2. Self Injure- One celebrity stalker broke her own leg to look more like her idol Jessie J. Come on. Do not cut yourself or hurt yourself in anyway for any reason, especially not to look like a celeb or out of distress that they don’t like you.

3. Shave Your Head- A while back, there was a really elaborate 4chan prank complete with website and #BaldForBieber hasthtag encouraging fans to shave their heads because of a phony tweet claiming Bieber had cancer. YIKES.

4. Sacrifice An Animal- Another hoax that was unfortunately pretty believeable in our sick sad world involved a girl who killed her dog because the boyband One Direction didn’t respond to her on social media. Don’t boil bunnies or kill chihuahuas over boys, especially ones you don’t know. Thank goodness it was a trick.

5. Get Plastic Surgery- Don’t go under the knife in order to look like a celebrity you worship. It will never work and it’s weird.

6. Use Your Blood As Ink- Do not collect your blood, menstrual or otherwise, in order to write with it. The celebrity you want to contact’s people will be just as likely to read a letter you write if you do so with pen, pencil or crayon and you won’t be immediately flagged as a freak.

7. Stalk- Do not stalk celebrities. Do not stalk anyone. Please watch the documentary I Think We’re Alone now about Tiffany’s stalkers. Not only is it an excellent and riveting documentary, but it could show superfans, stans and stalkers that they aren’t too far off from these guys.

8. Base Your Self Worth On Your Celeb Idol’s Perceptions- It breaks my heart that some people think that they’re nothing if their favorite star doesn’t know who they are and love them. It’s one thing to fantasize about getting to know them, it’s another to hate yourself because they don’t follow you on twitter.

9. Attempt To Physically Touch Them- Do not touch anyone without their consent, even if they are famous beyond believe. It is scary, it is why they have body guards, it can be assault. Don’t.

10. Waste Your Time Harassing Them- Do not waste your time tweeting at celebrities a million times. If they do notice you, it will be because you are the freaky-deaky who tweeted at them 2,000 times in an hour and not because they think you’re cool.

Image via Getty

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  • Eileen

    Don’t send them your teeth.

    I love Ke$ha plenty, but when she wanted teeth I was like…no, actually they’re mine; you can have your own.

    • Joanna Rafael

      Do NOT send anyone body parts.