The Most WTF Dirty Talk Advice From Yahoo Answers

dirty talk

Whisper to a banana.

I’m not a big dirty talker, because I’m awkward as all get out and ashamed of my sexual urges. Apparently, I’m not alone because I googled “how to dirty talk” and a lot of people want to know. Unfortunately, filthy sex chatter doesn’t really seem like something you can learn over the internet, especially if you’re getting advice from Yahoo! Answers.

Even though I’m pretty sure Yahoo! Answers is used only by bored insomniac tweens and is useful approximately 0% of the time you have a question, it can be a well of hilarious and WTF advice. A fun game to play when you’re bored and have feel like you’ve finished the internet  is what I call “find ridiculous yahoo! answers.” You search for goofy stuff and see all the terrible responses you can get to questions. Searching sexually related topics is a well of laughs.

Here are some WTF answers to questions that basically ask “What should I say during dirty talk?”:

question 1

Here’s an example of the kind of question the following answers were responding to, for reference.

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Don’t use the F word when you’re effing. Sound advice! Screen Shot 2014-03-17 at 12.44.54 PM

And you’re just the disciplinarian to punish him. Screen Shot 2014-03-17 at 12.45.07 PM

Don’t be a baaad girl until you’ve locked it down.
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Creepy. Screen Shot 2014-03-17 at 12.45.15 PM

What sort of regular conversation? Should dirty talk stem from talk about the weather? “It’s been so humid outside and in my underwear.”

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Once I had someone tell me they wanted to rip my IUD out and impregnate me. It was the opposite of sexy. dirty talk answer 1

“I very much like doing other men.” “I like doing other men very much.” “Very much is how much I like doing other men.” Screen Shot 2014-03-17 at 12.19.20 PM

That’s just good writing. So eloquent.
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Yeah, tell him that you’re not into dudes at all. Guys like that. Screen Shot 2014-03-17 at 12.43.20 PM

Such a credible source. LMAO.
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“Just act really horny” is solid advice for most situations. Like how to remain calm in court or proper etiquette for a bris.  Screen Shot 2014-03-17 at 12.43.47 PM

It works best if it’s a themed porno with a strong story line. Try finding a wild west porno. Screen Shot 2014-03-17 at 12.44.04 PM

What does that even mean? Screen Shot 2014-03-17 at 12.44.12 PM

Clever word play, char! “Hole thrill,” get it? Hole as in vagina-hole or butt-hole.
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Lol indeed.

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…sexually.
Image via Shutterstock
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    • Kaitlin Reilly

      “Tell him your a lesbian” is by far my favorite one.
      Also, the IUD thing is terrifying…!

      • Joanna Rafael

        That was the last time that dude got anywhere near my precious IUD.

    • ted3553

      “It’s been so humid outside and in my underwear.”

      Seriously the best line I’ve ever heard. I am going to file this in the back of my brain and bring it up when the situation calls for it.

      • Joanna Rafael

        Summer is coming!