But as the years go on, you have to get creative in your anniversary celebrations. My husband and I have only been married for four years, but I’m ready to spice things up. I’m pulling out all the stops. I’m seriously considering booking us for a couple’s colonic for our anniversary this year.
I can’t remember exactly how the traditional anniversary gifts go (Paper? Wood? Poop?), but I am fairly certain poop isn’t on the list. But after you have kids, all magical intimacy is lost. I never thought I would see the day where poop became a normal topic of everyday conversation, but my husband and I have sadly spent hours discussing the contents of our toddler’s diaper.
My husband and I both also work for natural health companies, so we’re willing to try almost anything. Yes, we are the kind of crunchy people who ferment our own vegetables and make homemade probiotic kefir. Don’t worry, we’re not the terrible, pious kind of health nuts yet. We still find room to “cheat” on our diets with burgers and Chinese food every Friday.
I’ve always been intrigued by colonics, especially related to cleansing and weight loss. But the feedback on colon cleansing is mixed at best.
One 2011 study published in the Journal of Family Practice says that flushing the colon does not provide any health benefits:
That’s the conclusion researchers reached after reviewing 20 studies on colonic cleansing. Dr. Ranit Mishori and her team at Georgetown University School of Medicine and Providence Hospital report in the Journal of Family Practice that colonic cleanses — whether with water or via supplements or herbal remedies, don’t actually do much — other than potentially cause some uncomfortable, and in some cases dangerous side effects.
Supporters of colon cleansing believe that the process provides the opportunity to flush waste and repopulate the gut with beneficial bacteria; in some cases, probiotics are used for this purpose in an enema or colonic:
”In simple words, your colon is the sewage system of the body. Nature’s laws of preservation and hygiene require and insist that this sewage system be cleansed regularly, under penalty of the innumerable ailments, sicknesses and diseases that follow, as the night follows day, if waste is allowed to accumulate.”
Those who advocate colonics, therefore, feel like they are washing away the ”crap” that makes us sick and prevents us from functioning at an optimal level. They also site recent research into the gut/health connection and the benefits of getting rid of ”bad” bacteria while repopulating the gut with good bacteria (I am to be given a probiotic after each colonic).
This is a tough call, but I may just pull the trigger and celebrate our poop-a-versary with a colonic this year. My husband and I have already worked with a digestive healthcare specialist to rehabilitate our son’s eczema and allergies as a baby. It was recommended that we give him several non-invasive probiotic enemas at home in the bathtub in order to rebuild his gut health and restore immunity. Out of curiosity, my husband and I tried the home enemas too—separately, and with our own sterile tubing. The process was relaxing and cleansing, as promised. I’ve used a home enema several times since; a colonic seems like the next logical step.
Like I said, I’m willing to try almost anything once. Happy anniversary to me.