There comes a time in every person’s life when you see some cartoon food and think, “I’d totally eat that.” If you grew up watching Nickelodeon like me, then there are definitely at least seven times you had a hankering for something two dimensional. One thing though: if these particular unreal meals were brought to life, they’d probably kill you. But for old time’s sake, let’s take a minute to imagine what a delicious death they’d bring.
1. Sugar Frosted Milk
Ren & StimpyÂ was truly a pioneer in weirdness for kids cartoons, and is probably even more enjoyable as an adult. But anyone large or small could get behind Sugar Frosted Milk, and I’d definitely let my blood sugar rise to dangerous heights for a bowl of this stuff.
2.Â Chocolate Cheese
RugratsÂ was the ultimate kids show about kids, and I distinctly remember the feeling of culinary intrigue brought on by the TV commercial jingle for Chocolate Cheese. It was one of the few moments I agreed with Angelica about something.
3.Â Â Pasture PuffiesÂ
It’s a mystery what Heffer’s favorite food is actually made of, but this Rocko’s Modern Life snack must be unhealthier than the average chip. Eating too many Pasture Puffies actually caused Heffer to get sent to the hospital, so my guess is they’d be pretty dangerous IRL as well.
4.Â Good Burger
You must remember the infamous Kel Mitchell sketch fromÂ All That,Â which is exactly what Good Burger looks like. And for a while you actually could’ve gotten a real life Good Burger right in New York City, until it recently, tragically, closed. But if this burger was good enough to make real, it couldn’t have been very healthy.
When Timmy Turner asked hisÂ Fairly OddParentsÂ to make his mom a better cook, Breakfastland was born. Rivers of maple syrup and infinite pancakes would kill me in all of ten minutes. But what a way to go…
6.Â Drinkable Sausage
This one is a clear killer from Spongebob Squarepants.Â Sausage in a carton makes for a perfect on-the-go breakfast, but Patrick enjoys this meaty drink any time of day. Easy to do when you have a 2D waistline!
7.Â Fat Cakes
It’s all in the name.Â iCarlyÂ invented this baked good, chocolate cream-filled cake with marshmallow and pink coconut shavings. A heart attack in a ball if I’ve ever seen one, but man would I like to see one.