Shattered Lives

Some people dread the holidays, because it means forced family fun or having to spend time with people they are related to, but feel very little in relation to.

Growing up I didn’t give much thought to the uniqueness of my family. As a teenager I sometimes found certain aspects of family life frustrating or annoying (my ex-step-mother in particular was and still is a nut), but I never felt real shame or embarrassment. I was lucky.

Melissa G. Moore is the daughter of “Happy Face” serial killer, Keith Hunter Jesperson. Between 1990-1995, Jesperson murdered 8 women. He’s currently in the Oregon State Prison serving 3 consecutive life terms. Moore has written a book about her life called  Shattered Silence: The Untold Story of a Serial Killer’s Daughter.

Outwardly, Moore’s father was loving, but she never felt comfortable with him. She related to  Lemondrop about her father giving hints about his secrets:

When I was 12, my dad started giving me clues about the murders. I just figured he was reciting details from his detective novels and crime magazines. But he was actually telling me things he’d done! I remember him saying, “I know how to kill someone and get away with it.” When I was 13, he told me that he would cut buttons off jeans so that there wouldn’t be any fingerprints; at another visit he said he could drag a body under his truck to get rid of the teeth so they couldn’t trace any dental records to the body.

So much of a person’s identity can be tied to their relationship to their parents. I know that as I’ve aged, I’ve noticed the similarities between myself and my parents. I’ve tried to either follow their example or do something in complete opposition to it. I can only imagine the questions that Moore must have had about her father’s motivation or the brutal crimes that he carried out. It puts my father’s sins into perspective, that’s for sure.

You can read the rest of  Melissa G. Moore’s interview with Lemondrop here.

Image credit: Barnes and Noble

What Was She Thinking?

As sometimes happens, the comments posted about a news item are as eye-opening as the event itself. A Miami special education teacher, Sylvia Tagle, will be sentenced Oct. 7 for spiking an autistic student’s soda with hot sauce. I read several reports in an attempt to untangle what happened; best as I can figure out, the soda was on Tagle’s desk and the student took it. Whose soda was it? Tagle’s defense attorney says it was her own. (Because so many people love hot sauce in soda.) Prosecutors say she did it knowing the student would take the soda, and she put the hot sauce in to teach him a lesson.

But any hot-sauce-in-soda-loving teacher would never leave such a drink accessible. Alex roots around in other people’s bags whenever he has the chance, and I’m always grateful when people laugh it off. And, yes. We tell him over and over again to leave people’s things alone. No touching! Not yours! Thousands and thousands of times, now.

As the mother of a boy with autism, I would expect his teacher to keep anything out of his reach that she didn’t want him to have. It’s sickening to think that a special education teacher planned to hurt a child. Took the soda. Thought, “I’ll show him!” Wondered what to use. Settled on hot sauce: nontoxic (more or less) but sure to cause pain and misery. Spiked the soda. Left it on her desk as a lure. Then, the wonderful payoff when the kid takes the bait. They say the rewards of teaching are unmatched by any other thrill. I hope Tagle enjoyed her glorious moment.

Plain and simple, this is bullying. Outright cruelty. Taking advantage of someone who is less capable.

For horrendously insensitive comments and more brutality, read comments here on Mom Logic. I know it’s naive, but I expected better from a site supposedly read by mothers. One of the more humane remarks is from someone named Tom. Sadly, someone named Nancy, herself a special education teacher, says she sees no problem at all with a teacher keeping a can of soda on her desk and expecting the kids to leave it alone. “Maybe hot sauce is what it takes for him to learn,” she says.

I have to remind myself that sometimes the vocal outspoken are a minority. It’s just a handful of remarks out of a nation of caring people. But it’s still shocking to come across. There are also some comments from people who are shocked at the “little brat deserved it” remarks, so that’s worth noting too.

I wouldn’t have thought we’d have to specifically outline this for special ed teachers but I guess some of them need more specific guidelines: not only can you not hit our kids, you can’t bait something they find tempting with hot sauce or something they’ll find bitter and unpleasant, even if it doesn’t kill them. In other words, no, you may not put hot sauce (or any other noxious substance) in soda (or any other food a child could consume).

Five years in prison for an incident involving soda may seem extreme. And if it were two kids involved, or a parent at the end of her tether, I’d agree. But it’s a special education teacher, someone who’s been trained to cope with difficult situations and difficult kids. At the end of the day, she goes home and can drink all the soda she wants. Her student has the same life, the same limitations he carried around during the school day. It’s not a job for him, it’s his life. And a teacher who schemes and dreams up a plan to hurt a student in order to “teach” him deserves to be taught a lesson herself.

So, five years in prison? Sounds fair to me.

When Vacation Means Going to Prison

Not many people think of going to prison as a vacation, but the Texas Prison Museum is hoping to change your mind.  The city of Huntsville, Texas is famous for its local prisons (there are 6 of them), and so it turned the lawlessness of the city into an attraction.  The museum features exhibits that give you a look at life in the prison — what is was like to be an inmate at the prison, as well as what it was like to work there, two obviously differing points of view.

The most popular exhibit is Old Sparky, an old electric chair that was used in 361 executions between 1924-64.  It’s displayed in a replica of a death chamber, giving it a rather gruesome reality.  Not my cup of tea, but I understand the macabre appeal.  Sort of.

Other popular exhibit are the carbines used by Bonnie & Clyde, a hollow-heeled boot worn by prisoner Charles Harrelson (father of Woody) that was used to smuggle drugs, and a display of art work made by prisoners.

And everyone enjoys having their photo taken in a real jail cell, where, for a small charge, you can borrow a striped prisoner shirt for a more realistic feel.

The Texas Prison Museum is located at 491 SH 75 North in Huntsville.   It is open Monday – Saturday, 10 am – 5 pm, and Sunday noon – 5.  Closed on major holidays.  Admission is $4 for adults, $3 seniors (60+), $2 youth 6-17 years of age, and FREE for children under 6 years of age.  Discounts offered for AAA members.

Photo credit: SXC

Crimes and Continuing Hope

An autistic 18-year-old has been judged not competent to stand trial in the fatal beating of his mother in Ravena, Ohio. The judge said he probably would rule next week on whether the young man will stand trial and, if not, whether to send him to a treatment facility; less than two weeks after the mental evaluations were completed in March, the man was moved from jail to a state-run center in Toledo. The defense had argued that Walker cannot carry on a conversation and would be unable to assist in his defense. He was disruptive at his first court appearance and was kept in a restraint chair and had a mask to keep him from spitting at deputies. Prior to the attack at the center of the case, the man’s 60-year-old mother had mentioned increased aggression from her son.

Our image: Moments of bonding and beauty, in a condition that affects all around it.

* * *

Search and rescue personnel from throughout the region will train beginning this weekend at Crater Lake National Park, near the area where an 8-year-old boy, who had a form of autism that gave him a fear of loud noises and bright lights, was sightseeing with his father when he was lost in mid-October. The park is hosting the exercise that will focus on search techniques such as high angle rope operations, ground searching and working with search dogs. Authorities hope the exercise may turn up clues to the missing boy’s whereabouts.

* * *

A Conroe, Texas, man has received 50 years in prison for the murder of a 3-year-old autistic child. Chase Cannon, 29, pleaded guilty Thursday to the killing, which took place last August when EMTs found the child unresponsive, having seizures and vomiting uncontrollably. An autopsy revealed the child had numerous injuries, including 79 bruises, cigarette burns to his feet, a broken arm and a fatal blow to his head.

* * *

Courts in Columbia, Ill., have ruled that a 5-year-old autistic boy may take his specially trained dog to school, denying a request by the local school district to suppress a preliminary order that required the school district to accommodate the boy and his dog.

Cindy McCain: Migraineur

I don’t care what political stripe someone is, I wouldn’t wish migraines on anyone. People magazine reported that Cindy McCain, wife of U.S. Senator and former GOP presidential candidate John McCain, is one of millions of migraineurs who know just how she feels.

According to the People magazine article, the 54-year-old has been experiencing migraines for 15 years but she had trouble talking about it because she felt her pain was nothing compared to what her husband experienced while living as a prisoner of war in Hanoi.

The article mentions that Mrs. McCain wants to work on raising awareness about migraines. To this end, she will

address the International Headache Congress on Sept. 10 in Philadelphia. “I’m one of the millions who suffer,” she says. “It’s time for us to shake things up a bit.”

Migraines vary from person to person. While some people may experience just pain, others run the gamut of nausea and vomiting to severe sensitivity to light. A migraine isn’t just a bad headeach; it’s unrelenting, almost unbearable pain that is focused on one part of your head, such as behind one eye.

Migraines also last a longer time than “regular” headaches and may or may not have triggers. While some people can trace their migraines to certain food or drinks, and some to menstrual periods, others never figure out why they get migraines and what causes them.

Maybe with a spokesperson like Cindy McCain, other migraineurs may learn that they’re not alone.

~~~~~

Images: ZumaPress.com, iStock.com

Michael Vick Reinstated to NFL

My first reaction to this story was the look that crossed my face, similar to this: D:

Michael Vick, who shot from role model to infamy when it was discovered he was involved with and funding illegal pit bull fighting at his Bad Newz Kennsl in 2007, is being reinstated into the NFL.

Vick was convicted of animal cruelty in December 2007 and sentenced to 23 months in jail. He was allowed to finish his sentence at home this past February with the aid of electronic monitoring.

Vick was initially suspended indefinitely from the NFL, where he was a quarterback for the Atlanta Falcons, but it seems they couldn’t get to him fast enough: He was officially released last Monday, and the NFL commissioner reinstated him yesterday. Though he doesn’t belong to a team anymore, I doubt he’ll be floundering for long (though kudos to the several who have already said they won’t hire him!). When he does find a team he’ll be able to participate in all team activities except games, though a ruling for that from the commissioner will happen no later than October.

I can’t help but try and write it off with a “whatever,” as my daughters like to say. Sure, he needs a job, but to go back to such a high profile one where a lot of people — especially kids — look up to him is frustrating at best. That, and I think he should have been in prison a heck of a lot longer in the first place.

[image: flickr]

Cheating At Work – Cops Caught Kissing

Have you heard about the police chef in Ohio who was caught on video “canoodling” with another officer, while in a police cruiser and on the job?  And there was a prisoner in the back seat. From what I saw of the video, they don’t really do much, just kissing,  cuddling, but both officers are married. He’s 57 and she’s 30.

On the day that the video was taken, June 2, the two officers were driving back from Cincinnati, where they picked up a burglary suspect, to their town of Perry Township, 50 miles away. In the video, the female officer is seen checking to make sure that the suspect in the back seat was asleep. The dashboard camera’s red light, that signals that it is active and on, was tampered with, so the officers did not know that they were being taped. An anonymous tip brought the tape to attention.

Have you ever been involved with a co-worker?  Either while single or in a relationship?  Have you been tempted?

When I was very young (19) I was engaged and my boyfriend was away at boot camp. While he was gone, I went down to Southern California to live with my dad for a few months. I worked in a restaurant there and a guy that I worked with seemed to find my engagement a challenge. He worked me day after day, in an attempt to get me to cheat on my fiance, but I never did. One time, after a particularly bad argument with the fiance (we argued a lot an he is now married to someone else – I believe happily and for a long time 18+ years), I thought, hey why not, maybe I should do it just this once. I did not follow through with it, I did not cheat at that time.

People spend a lot of time at work and they form connections with the folks they spend that time with.  Sometimes these connections are a distraction and a way to escape the stress or even boredom of Real Life. In the case of my restaurant boy, I was lonely and young, away from my friends at that time, and this boy was very cute. It was tempting, but cheating sucks and I have rarely even come close to doing it.

I’d like to say that I’ve never done it, but that would not be completely honest and I’ve made a habit of being honest with you readers.  I did make a few mistakes in the past (way, way, way in the past), but they were not with someone at work (which does mean that it was alright). These days, nothing could be farther from my mind. The boyfriend that I have is all that I can handle.

Being in a committed relationship is like a job in that you have to work at it every day. You have to remind yourself what you are there for and reaffirm your commitment. You have to be a good co-worker or you run the risk of a bad performance review or possible termination – I’m talking divorce or breakup here, not death.

“Canoodling.” Isn’t that a silly word? 

Image credit: Sxc.hu

Miami’s Accused Serial Cat Killer

What does an accused serial cat killer look like? Apparently, he looks like your next door neighbor. If the teen pictured below were standing beside me at a Ben & Jerry’s, I certainly would never guess… cat killer. Perhaps he’s innocent, but I do hope the truth comes out either way.

On Monday, 18-year-old Tyler Hayes Weinman was charged with 19 counts of animal cruelty. In addition, he was charged with 19 counts of improper disposal of dead animals and four counts of burglary.

Weinman allegedly murdered family pets and left them to be discovered by their owners. He faces a possible 158 years in prison.

If the charges prove true, this young man obviously needs a great deal of psychological help. Studies have shown that animal abusers are five times more likely to commit violent crimes against people. Cats can be such sweet, trusting and loving creatures. Anyone who could mutilate a feline, I believe, could do the same to a human.

If you suspect animal abuse in your community, get in immediate touch with your local humane society or animal shelter.

(Image credit: Newscom)

How Do You Talk to Your Children?

 “He ended up in prison because he was conditioned for it from childhood,” a motivational speaker said, when talking about the importance of the words we say.  He explained that parents who tell their children they’re no good, they’re a failure, they’ll end up in jail, etc. are conditioning them for these goals.

 The words we say to our children and the way we say them have a great effect.  That’s not to say that we’re to ignore discipline and sugar coat everything.  But if youngsters hear repeated emphasis on their failures and where these will lead, they’re encouraged to plan in this direction.

 I once asked a psychologist about a boy with Aspberger’s how best to help the child as he progressed through school and prepared for life beyond the home.  “Build upon his strengths,” the psychologist replied.

 I’ve often thought of this when working with any children, whether as a substitute teacher, a grandmother, a friend or neighbor.  Encourage them in their strengths and teach them to turn their weaknesses into strengths or at least minimize them.

 Think about how you’re talking to your children and how you’re conditioning them with the words you say.  

 

A little PO’d at Jodi Picoult

It’s not easy to watch certain movies or read certain books, ever since Alex came along. I do like to keep up with how people with developmental disabilities are being portrayed, so I make it my business to watch movies like “Pumpkin” “Rain Man” and keep up with books like Mark Haddon’s “The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time.”

But then I come across something like the following in one of Jodi Picoult’s novels ripped from a newspaper’s front page. In this case, a high school boy who’s been bullied since kindergarten is in prison awaiting trial after shooting ten of his classmates.

“Hey, Houghton,” a correctional officer said, “we got a present for you.”

Standing behind him was a kid not much older than Peter. He was rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet and he had snot running down his nose. The officer led him into the cell. “Make sure you share your cake,” the officer said.

Peter sat down on the lower bunk, just to let this kid know exactly who was in charge. The boy stood with his arms crossed tight around the blanket he’d been given, staring down at the ground. He reached up and pushed his glasses up his nose, and that’s when Peter realized there was something, well, wrong with him. He had that glassy-eyed, gum-lipped look of a special-needs kid.

Peter realized why they’d stuck the kid in his cell instead of anyone else’s: they figured Peter would be least likely to fuck with him.

He felt his hands ball into fists. “Hey, you,” Peter said.
The boy swiveled his head toward Peter. “I have a dog,” he said. “Do you have a dog?”
Peter pictured the correctional officers watching this comedy through their little video hookups, expecting Peter to put up with this shit.

Expecting something of him, period.

He reached forward and plucked the glasses off the kid’s nose. They were coke-bottle-thick, with black plastic frames. The boy started to shriek, grabbing at his own face. His scream sounded like an air horn.

Peter put the glasses down on the floor and stomped on them, but in his rubber flip-flops that didn’t do much damage. So he picked them up and smashed them into the bars of the cell until the glass shattered.

From “Nineteen Minutes,” by Jodi Picoult.

Just what is this boy doing here, in this 455-page book? We never see him again. I guess I found it an offensive portrait because it’s so sketchy and so gratuitous. He has two lines, and they make him sound as if he’s about four years old. In which case, would he really be in a maximum security prison, or would he have been remanded to a psychiatric facility? And just what did he do, this boy who can’t wipe his nose, who rocks back and forth and who cares about dogs? What was his crime, other than being a boy with a developmental disability standing conveniently around when Picoult needed such a character to illustrate a sea change her main character is undergoing. He’s cracking under pressure; his cruelty to this boy is out of character.

A friend of mine who studies literary theory points out that the boy is an object to the guards (”We have a present for you”), but I think unwittingly Picoult also objectifies the boy. It’s remarkable in that she seems to reach for nuanced characterizations. “Power relations. See Michel Foucoult,” my friend said. I’m drawing the line here, at least for now. It just struck a raw nerve, harsher than “Of Mice and Men” and as manipulative as “I Am Sam.”

Next Page »