13th Steppers Exposed

She’s not a saint by any means but she has some words of wisdom for the new ladies of AA, including “Most of all, I have regained my self-respect.”

Give The Girl A Chance

“Today, I can say to the new gals: If you put sobriety first, you can make it. In the Thirteenth Step area, here are a few of the lines I look for.

I run, don’t walk, away from the glib orator who presents a beautiful program of solid sobriety at an AA meeting, but confides to me at the first opportunity, when we are having a cup of coffee, that I’m so understanding and if he had someone around like me, his life would be different (he’s being understood far more than he realizes), or “You’re a beautiful person. I’d like to get to know you better.”

I’m leery of a guy who puts too much emphasis on our wonderful Slogan Live and Let Live. The Slogans have been a lifeline to me, and I respect and use them (or try to) in the right context. But when I hear a member say over and over, “Where I go, what I do, when I do it, and who I do it with is my business — I say, Live and Let Live,” I know this dude’s feeling guilty. He’s doing something he shouldn’t be doing, or he wouldn’t be trying so hard to tell us to mind our own business. He’s paranoid.

Live and Let Live. I buy that 100 percent, but if I have to sneak around, afraid you’ll find out — I want no part of it.

Then there’s the guy who very sweetly says, “I’d like to take you out to dinner or see you outside of AA — but how long have you been sober? I don’t mess around with an AA gal who hasn’t been sober at least a year. I wouldn’t want to be responsible if you started drinking again.” Does a year make it ethical? By whose standards? I’ve been without a drink, a day at a time, for thirty-seven months, and I’m not so sure that I could survive something that was not “good.”

I am not a sanctimonious reformer. I am only saying, there are some guys who are contributing to the delinquency of minors. I don’t care if she does have a beautiful, mature body — emotionally, she’s an infant. I was less than that, and I’m only now learning to crawl.”