3 Day Fast

I’m in the middle of a 3 day fast.

My husband and I have been separated for a few weeks, he went to stay at his parents house. We’ve been struggling. It’s been painful. We’ve found ourselves in a cycle that we never intended to be in – yet, here we are. You are welcome to read all about it at my other blog So Sioux Me in my article titled Desperation By Osmosis.

This weekend he is on a spiritual retreat and I am profoundly grateful that he is the type to seek help from God, therapists and pastors. I understand that many women in my position don’t have husbands or significant others who are willing to seek help. I will go on a spiritual retreat next weekend.

I am fasting for the 3 days he is gone for his emotional, spiritual and physical healing, insight, clarity and a renewed desire to connect with me and our children. I’m also fasting for my ability to receive these blessings with total forgiveness and without a tone or feeling of entitlement or defensiveness. In other words, I don’t want to ruin the changes God is making in our marriage with a self-righteous attitude.

I’ve never fasted for more than a day, really until dinner after church, before. I grew up Mormon and it’s customary to fast once a month on Fast Sunday. I’ve done it when others have asked, or I’ve been unable to do it due to pregnancy or breast feeding. In lots of churches I hear about people fasting a certain favorite food or drink for a period of time while they pray for something specific. For instance my mother-in-law has health issues and has decided to only drink water and not eat any chocolate. It may seem small, unless you know about her struggle against Diet Coke and other similar drinks. Lots of people give up something they love for the 40 days of Lent.

I am fasting for 3 days to illustrate to God how important my husband and our marriage are to me. So far it hasn’t been that hard. The hunger pains are much less than I expected. I’m able to feed my children their meals without the urge to eat a few bites before I serve it. I’m able to open the fridge for a drink without even thinking – hey, that left over Chinese food sure looks good.

I think that in itself is devine intervention. I imagine if I simply found myself without food, due to poverty or getting stuck in the wilderness with nothing to eat, then I would be a heck of a lot hungrier than I actually am. Usually if I do not have a snack in the afternoons around 3 pm I get a little light-headed and cranky. But, I don’t feel light-headed or cranky. I had a yogurt smoothy once yesterday and once today because I got dizzy and I have two small children to care for. But, I think God is honoring my “intention” to fast for my husband’s spiritual self and our emotional and spiritual connection by blessing me with a sort of surreal clarity during my fast.

It’s funny, because my hesitancy to write about this aspect of my life comes from not wanting people to judge me for having marital problems. But, when I examine that and think about it rationally what comes to me is that 50% of marriages end in divorce. Statistically one would assume that most, if not all, of us have marital problems that become painful or reach a stalemate. Yet, our feeling of shame for having failed or being on the verge of failure prevents many of us from sharing our experience. But, who is that helping?

So, I’m sharing my act of faith with you. It is in the hope that it brings someone who might be feeling judged or powerless in their own relationship some comfort that they are not alone.