3 Orgasms – Women Submit, Men Dominate
November 3, 2008 by Tracee Sioux
Filed under Parenting
Did anyone else notice the anti-feminist remarks on Oprah?
Stop telling your man what to do or you won’t be able to enjoy sex. It infantilizes him – which turns you off.
Busy women want to be dominated in bed.
Women want to be told what to do and submit in bed.
Most women only have clitoral orgasms.
As opposed to the other kinds – vaginal orgasms and combination orgasms.
Yes, the G-spot is real.
if you’re looking for it – I disagree slightly with Dr. Laura Berman – I don’t think it feels like “the tip of your nose,” I would describe it as rough and about the size of a quarter.
Do your Kegels.
Teach your daughters to value pleasure.
Start with a 10 second kiss every day.
Then play – “here’s how I like to be kissed” – for each other.
You have to take your pleasure in your own hands.
Get comfortable with your vulva.
If you can’t love your vulva how do you expect him to?
Did anyone learn anything or was it all just “review?”
I missed the don’t tell your man what to do/domination part – wtf? But the parts I saw were like – oh, yeah, I figured all this all out a million years ago. I have a labia. I have a clitoris. Kegels. Uh, huh.
Also, I don’t really care if people use the word vajayjay or pussy or whatever. Yes, teach the kids the right words – but using nicknames to talk about it casually is okay with me too.
I would say my pleasure from sex has increased dramatically since I became active and assertive in my part of sex..but, I find that sometimes I do have to tell myself “shut up! let him seduce you!”
Sometimes I forget to change gears and I find myself micromanaging our sexual experience and it does make him feel emasculated which makes me a little less attracted and into it.
I have to walk the fine line between being assertive/enthusiastic and being bossy/impatient.
Backing off a bit on the control issue allows me to sort of re-capture that feeling we had in the beginning..it is exciting and thrilling to be swept up in it rather than rigidly scheduling it to fit in between bedtime stories and the local news.
Violet said, I missed the don’t tell your man what to do/domination part – wtf?
It was an out-of-bed advice. An explanation for why some strong women can’t enjoy sex the way they should. The sex therapist said that women are so in control all of the time and they have to get everything done that they go around ordering their man around like he’s their oldest child. Then they emasculate and infantalize him to the point where they aren’t hot for him anymore.
Basically, she said our “I have to do everything myself” controlling attitude toward our men is making us less orgasmic because what we REALLY want is to be dominated and give up that control in bed.
It sounds like something I might be offended by – except that it struck me as true.
What struck me as sooo true is the mental part. The explanation of why kissing and foreplay is so important – because a woman needs that time to turn her brain off.
That’s my biggest challenge to pleasure – turning my brain from “get things done” and worried about elections
or other people and problems to “I want to let go and have sex.”
Sitting here shaking head in Oprah shame. What the hell is she doing?
I didn’t realize they meant control the rest of the day too..that does ring true for me also. It is so difficult for me to let go of tasks..or to let him do it without telling him the right way to do it..and it is unhealthy. It puts me in the ‘mom’ position rather than the equal parts wife position. It’s just such a sticky situation and although I feel like I have blame in it..I think he does too. I feel irritated that my husband is clueless with laundry or mopping -it’s not that he’ sdoing it differently – it’s that he’s lost as hell if I don’t show him..see what I mean? But I do see how over time that creates an unhealthy,unequal balance of power and respect.
I don’t think Oprah can be blamed for an expert’s opinion huh? That’s like blaming Dianne Sawyer for some guy she’s interviewing being an asshole.
Offended PunditMom?
I don’t think she means women should “submit” all day – I think she meant we should expect him to step up and pull his weight without having to be told what to do all day. You know, like a grown up.