3 Scoops of Vanilla

Trashy television confession:

I watch The Girls Next Door and find it totally amusing. You know it’s the reality television series where we get to see how Hugh Hefner’s harem lives.

Understand, I KNOW it’s trash. I would never let my daughter see me watch it, I record it on my DVR and watch after she’s asleep.

What I find interesting about it is not only the exaggerated femininity of the three girlfriends, Holly, Bridget and Kendra. But, I find the fact that they are all vanilla ice cream quite ironic.

I imagine that if I were Hugh Hefner I would want a harem of different types of ice cream. You know women of different types and flavors, but Hef, apparently he only likes platinum long-haired blonds with the same plastic surgeon and the same general size 2 body type. It’s kind of boring to my mind. But, apparently after 80-something years he’s just stuck with the same vanilla ice cream and he likes it.

Trashy television confession #2:

I psychoanalyze the girls. I mean, I actually find them amusing, and I get concerned for their welfare. It does not surprise me at all that Hef is able to find an endless supply of blond, implanted women to serve as his playthings. I mean, women settle for a hell of a lot less than the

Kendra seems the most emotionally stable to me. She seems to understand that she’s getting a pretty fun free ride at the

Bridget, however, I just don’t know about her. She holds a master’s degree, so she’s obviously smart and has potential to pursue an empowered life after Hef gets bored with her. But, I just don’t think she’s dealing with her real issue – which is the obsessive need for other people to find her pretty. All that education aside, she can not get over the need to for others to think she’s pretty enough to be in Playboy. Her life story is about the pursuit of the approval of others. She’s wanted to be in Playboy her whole life and was crushed when they rejected her twice before. When Hef finally let the three of them do a Playboy spread this was the big accomplishment of Bridget’s life. It was finally the outside validation that Bridget needed – You are pretty enough to be in Playboy. Okay, so mission accomplished. But, I worry that when this ride through Hef’s Harem ends, I worry that she will still need the validation and being herself and thinking her own self is pretty just won’t be enough. How sad will the rest of her life be then? Hopefully, her news casting talk show thing will pan out.

Then we come to Holly. She is the one I worry about most. She’s the main girlfriend. And her ambition is to become Hugh Hefner’s wife! How completely out of touch with reality is that? He’s Hugh Hefner! He’s 80-something years old. He’s not going to change. He has no reason to change. He’s found the lifestyle he enjoys and makes no pretense about it. He’s a playboy. He’s tried on the husband and father persona, decided they weren’t for him and cast them in the garbage. Poor stupid Holly apparently found these personas in the trash and brought them back in the house hoping he’d like to try them again. She’s actually said, “In five years Hef will realize he doesn’t need the other girls and I will be enough for him and he will marry me and we’ll live here together.” What? Who? The dirty old man will be going on 90 and she’s expecting a last-minute change of heart. Expecting him to be someone he’s not interested in being.

Jeez, how many of us can relate to that? Wanting a guy to be someone he’s just not, but refusing to believe him when he tells us exactly who he is.