5 Things I Learned Since Staying Home With My Kids

I know there are some new stay at home dads out there, and so I am going to offer up some advice. I don’t claim to be an expert on daddyhood, but I will provide some of the basics that I never thought about at first. There are a few things that you can do which will make your day a little less stressful. And here is what I have personally learned:

1) Structure your day.
This is important. When things seem a bit chaotic and you can’t seem to pull everything together it just means you probably need more structure in your life, or in your day. One of my biggest mistakes was to wake up in the morning with no plans whatsoever. This is quite normal for a “rookie” stay at home dad. If you are structured in your own mind the kid(s) pick up on that quickly. So plan to do things. If it rains and you can’t make it to the park for instance, have a back-up plan. Label them too. Play time, lunch time, movie time, and don’t ever forget nap time. Structure becomes more and more important as they grow and learn to walk and talk, and express to you verbally what’s running through their minds. Structure allows the kid(s) to trust and build confidence. There are no surprises and they know that every day at noon you eat lunch, every day at 2:00 they take naps. This can become very comforting to kids and will help shape their perceptions of what “home” is like.

2) Leave room for flexibility.
Though you may have structured your day and planned it all out, but you need to leave lots of room to be flexible. For instance, every day nap time is at 2:00, but for some reason it is 1:00 and your child can’t deal with life. Don’t be so structured that you have to wait an hour. You went into the day with your plan but it is now time to become a bit flexible and adapt to what is happening. This is why they say moms and dads who choose to stay home and raise kids would make good managers. Managers walk into the work day with a plan, but need to be flexible with new challenges that arise sporadically. Maybe it’s an angry client, a sick employee, or maybe the roof is falling in. But you get my drift. So, this teaches your child that surprises do happen and you must deal with them. This will help show your kids basically how to deal with life as challenges arise.

3) Listen to your kids.
This means to pay attention to what is going on with your kids through body language, mood, and verbal queus. It takes time and is a skill, but I think I could have learned quicker. The sooner you learn what your kids are asking through all of these mediums, the better everybody is. So pay close attention. With babies there are usually just a few things that make them unhappy: soiled diaper, thirsty or hungry, tired, upset stomach, or a combination of those. Learn to distinguish what it is they want. The sooner you can provide a remedy the happier they will be. And a happy child makes a happy dad…

As kids get older, you may witness a fussy kid, or they aren’t getting along with a sibling, or is just sort of down. Learn what it is. Don’t be so quick to reprimand them until you know what’s going on. I learned over time that if all my kids have drinks and are well fed, they are little angels. Sometimes my only problem was no juice in a sippy cup. So that is my advice. Just learn who your kids are and what they need. And then provide them with it, whatever it is. It sounds simple, but parents know what I mean. Sometimes big problems can be solved with the simplest remedies like a new diaper, a sippy cup, a snack, a sweater, warm socks, or even a hug.

4) Give your child a choice.
Here is a big one I have learned. Now this usually doesn’t set in until 4 or 5 years old. You need to let your kids make decisions. But at the same time you can’t let them make bad decisions that could harm them. So here is what I have learned and wished I had learned it sooner. Don’t just ask your kid, “Hey, what do you want for dinner?” Yes your intentions are great and you want to include your child into the decision making process but if they say chocolate cake and you turn around and say no, then that word no can create some problems. I don’t have a problem with telling my kids no, but if it can be avoided then let’s do it differently. Try this approach, “Hey, do you want steak, potatoes, and peas or chicken, rice, and corn?”

This leaves them with an option. They can choose what they prefer. When they say chicken it is now their decision. I know that when my kids got to choose whether we were having chicken or steak they were so happy that their opinion mattered to everybody. So think up options for your kids to choose from. They will be delighted.

5) Include them.
Include your kids in your conversations, include them in your decisions, and allow them to be part of the family. I mentioned this earlier but actually treat your child like normal human beings, because that’s what they are. Of course you need to guide them in the right direction but just include them. When I first had kids it was easy to eat a separate meal and feed the kids macaroni and cheese while I had roast beef. I think it is important that we, as parents, sit down with our kids and eat the same meal. We are now including ourselves in their lives, and them into ours, hence a happy family.

So those are the 5 things I would say are the big ones for me and what I have learned. I bet there are other people out there who have experienced the same stuff and probably other things I didn’t mention. If you would like to add anything or comment on what I wrote please feel free.