Why significant others ignore the signs of eating disorders

After my last post on why parents ignore eating disorders in their children, I started to wonder about something similar — why do spouses or significant others do the same dance of “avoid the gorilla hiding under the carpet”? 

Again, I’ve given it some thought and here are my theories:

1.  They really don’t know that their partner is anorexic or bulimic.  Eating disordered individuals are very adept at covering up their illnesses, even from their most intimate friends and lovers.  And let’s face it — if a guy started dating a girl who was severely underweight, he might just assume that was normal for her.

2.  They don’t want their significant other to get mad at them… or leave them.  I really believe some spouses and girl-/boyfriends worry that they’ll lose the love of their lives if they say, “Hey — there’s a problem here.  Let’s talk.”

3.  They just don’t give a crap.  I’ve had boyfriends like this.  They’re happy to see you shrivel and die; it means more chicken nuggets for them.

4.  They are attention-hogs.  If they’re so self-absorbed that every waking minute is spent on “me, me, me”, they have no time to worry about what’s happening to their partner.

5.  They don’t want to tackle the problem.  I think there are probably some folks out there who know that their partner has an ED, but don’t want to bring up the subject because then they might be faced with having to go to counseling, pay for in-patient or outpatient treatments and make adjustments to their own lives.

6.  They like the fact that their partners are anorexic or bulimic.  Yes, folks, these wackos are out there.  Again, I dated one.  It was NOT a happy experience.

7.  They are anorexic, bulimic or a binge eater, too.  I think that couples can be eating disordered, don’t you?  It makes sense, especially those who are living together and ingesting (or avoiding) the same types of foods.

Again, I encourage you to add your 2.5 cents!  Let’s grow these lists together.